Thread: Joke

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  1. #1 Joke 
    HR Corporate Scum patriot45's Avatar
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    A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston, Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

    The deputy says," License and registration, please."

    "What for?" says the lawyer.

    The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

    Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

    "You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please."

    The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

    "The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.

    Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

    "That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.

    At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

    : “Grow your own dope. Plant a liberal.”
    ” Obummercare, 20 percent of the time it works everytime.
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  2. #2  
    HR Corporate Scum patriot45's Avatar
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    A man is walking by the Berkeley, California Zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to devour her, right in front of the little girl's screaming parents.


    The man runs to the cage, hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

    Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the man brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.


    A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the man, says: "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."


    "Why, it was nothing," said the man; "really, the lion was behind bars and I knew God would protect me just as He did Daniel in the lions den long, long ago. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt was right."


    "I noticed a Bible in your pocket," said the journalist.


    "Yes, I'm a Christian and was on my way to a bible study," the man replied.


    "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this on the front page."


    The journalist leaves. The following morning the man buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the first page:


    "Right Wing Christian Fundamentalist Assaults African Immigrant and Steals His lunch."

    : “Grow your own dope. Plant a liberal.”
    ” Obummercare, 20 percent of the time it works everytime.
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  3. #3  
    Senior Member Rebel Yell's Avatar
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    Barack Obama, the lead Presidential Democratic Party candidate, is for
    banning all guns in America . He is considered by those who have dealt
    with him as a bit more than just a little self-righteous.

    At a recent rural elementary school assembly in EastTexas, he
    asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to
    slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in
    total silence.

    Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my
    hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'

    Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud EastTexas drawl, pierced
    the quiet and said: ''Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!'
    I feel that once a black fella has referred to white foks as "honky paleface devil white-trash cracker redneck Caspers," he's abdicated the right to get upset about the "N" word. But that's just me. -- Jim Goad
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  4. #4  
    Senior Member Rebel Yell's Avatar
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    Got this in an email this morning.
    This is truly Heartbreaking News!

    I'm sure by now that all of you have seen the sad report on the evening news. It was announced yesterday that the Rose Garden at the White House was being torn out.
    It is being replaced by a watermelon patch.
    Just in case......
    I feel that once a black fella has referred to white foks as "honky paleface devil white-trash cracker redneck Caspers," he's abdicated the right to get upset about the "N" word. But that's just me. -- Jim Goad
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