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  1. #1 Which would be better? 
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    I am in the process of writing a sequel to my novel and am stuck on the opening. I have written two versions but have no idea which one to use.

    The story opens with a woman getting shot in the back of the head as she was opening the door to her car. She had left a message on my protaganist's phone stating she was in trouble and needed help.

    Here is where I can't decide. Should I start out describing the scene and murder of this woman, which is how I had planned to start it out, or the new way which does not seem so cliched.

    The other way I envision this is with my protaganist returning the phone call and having a homicide detective at the crime scene answering the cellphone. With the murder already having occured.

    I have almost half of the novel written and it has all the carnage, gunplay, fisticuffs and general mayhem that my first one had. By the way this one is called Blindside. All over but the Dyin' comes out the week after Thanksgiving.
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  2. #2 Go 
    Senior Member obx's Avatar
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    I like the second way. It puts the reader in the same position as the protaganist.
    ________
    Charles E. Sorensen
    Last edited by obx; 03-21-2011 at 06:19 PM.
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  3. #3  
    The second way.
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  4. #4  
    Senior Member warpig's Avatar
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    I vote the second way.
    "What this country needs are more unemployed politicians."
    -Edward Langley

    "Liberals are the type of people who go on safari and wonder why they can't get out and pet the lions..."- warpig
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  5. #5  
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    +1 for the second opening. Really put's you into the protagonist's shoes and the oh shit he would be feeling.
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  6. #6  
    Senior Ape Articulate_Ape's Avatar
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    I agree the that second approach is much better on a number of levels.
    "The efforts of the government alone will never be enough. In the end the people must choose and the people must help themselves" ~ JFK; from his famous inauguration speech (What Democrats sounded like before today's neo-Liberals hijacked that party)
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  7. #7  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jfor View Post
    +1 for the second opening. Really put's you into the protagonist's shoes and the oh shit he would be feeling.
    The protaganist is a woman, Jogabeth Garcia. Imagine a taller Michelle Rodriguez with light grey eyes.
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  8. #8  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Speedy View Post
    The protaganist is a woman, Jogabeth Garcia. Imagine a taller Michelle Rodriguez with light grey eyes.
    How would one properly pronounce the name Jogabeth? Yo-ho-ah-beth?
    "The efforts of the government alone will never be enough. In the end the people must choose and the people must help themselves" ~ JFK; from his famous inauguration speech (What Democrats sounded like before today's neo-Liberals hijacked that party)
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  9. #9  
    SEAduced SuperMod Hawkgirl's Avatar
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    I too, like the second.

    Did you find a publisher for the first?
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  10. #10  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawkgirl View Post
    I too, like the second.

    Did you find a publisher for the first?
    Yes, it comes out the week after Thanksgiving.
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