Eric talks to Ali bin Soapless| 11.22.10 @ 11:01AM
Good Morning. Eric Cartman here for AM South Park. I'm speaking to radical Muslim and U of C College professor, Ali bin Soapless. Good morning, Mr. bin Soapless. Go Buffaloes !
BS: Praise Allah, the slayer of the infidel, may he make them look like the fools they are with their hands down their pants. Peace be upon him. Good morning Eric. Go Buffaloes.
EC: Yeah. Thanks. Let's jump right in here. How did you get here?
BS: I flew on El Al. Why, you think I would fly Delta or something? I'm not stupid.
EC: Well, as you know, the Obama administration . .
BS: Peace be upon him
EC: has issued . . . Um . . . Who?
BS: Obama. He has devised this system of what are calling Grope or Fry that you are suffering under as we speak, praise Allah. Either fry by radiation, or get groped by your old gym teacher. Your choice.
EC: Yeah, well . . . . what are you Muslims going to do when some Saudi-in-a-Sac k comes sashaying up to the check points and has some high school dropout reach under her Burka and get a feel of . . .
BS: No, no, no, Cartman. You see, we have asked for and received a special dispensation for Muslim woman and Muslims in general.
BS: Yes, your president Obama understands the delicate feelings of Muslims about having to undergo these embarrassing exams. So we get to board without this terrible groping and fondling. It is only one-legged Army veterans, 3-year old babies, grandmothers and everyone else who will get them. But if it ever comes to be, we Muslims have the Limburger Cheese defense.
EC: What . . . the hell . . . is that?
BS: Well, if you look at the pictures of these TSA agents, they have their heads almost up the butts of the passengers. We Muslims never wash or bathe - well, our feet, because you never know when you're going to grab a quick bite. Anyway, it's been a few years for me. I wouldn't know what the inside of a shower looks like if I was standing in one. So when the TSA agent bends down to grab OUR junk, he comes away with the smell of a thousand camels passing Limburger Cheese through their rumps stuck in his nose.
EC: God, that's brilliant! You mind if I try that?
BS: Yes, it is effective. And be my guest. Just take some of my crotch sweat as starter spores and you'll be set for life in a day or two.
EC: Thanks! Well, what about the Muslim women?
BS: Oh, they are much worse! Don't even go there, my friend. Have you ever stuck your nose in the rotting carcass of a skunk that fell into the sewers of hell?
EC: Wow! No. That's just amazing. I almost threw up just thinking about it.
BS: Well, it's a gift from Muhammad. He never bathed, either. All he had to do was stand upwind from his enemies and they would surrender. Genius, no? I must get back to my government funded job teaching your stupid, infidel college students how evil their own country is. Hee hee. You know, sometimes I feel bad for you Americans. That your own children would be so stupid as to listen to the non-sense I spew and accept it is a monument to the Liberal Camel Asses that run your country and control your media. It's too easy! You are destroying yourselves! I don't even know why us Muslims are expending so much energy trying to do what your Liberal Camel Asses are doing for free. Well, gotta go. See you later, my fried.
EC: Yeah, adios, you stinky bastard. Well, that's all from AM South Park. Some great tips from Soapless there. Just slather yourself up with Limburger Cheese and let them pat ya down till they keel over. Good day!