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  1. #11  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparky View Post
    All that's missing is a quivering bodice and you have a $2 romance novel paragraph! She should sign up for the Will Pitt School of Fractured Prose!!
    HA! Hilar... uh...

    OPEACHMENT NOW!!!

    Stinger:
    "I was... ordered to drop my pants, bend over and spread my cheeks."
    --RagingInMiami achieving the DUmp's highest level of nirvana
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  2. #12  
    Power CUer FlaGator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDK View Post
    When did sentences become the same thing as paragraphs?
    After the OP went through menopause and lost it's period.

    I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
    C. S. Lewis
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  3. #13  
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    His eyes were smoldering, his mouth set tightly.....

    Thanks to SarasotaRepub for your help! :D
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  4. #14  
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    Bouncy bouncy!
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  5. #15  
    TANSTAAFL. asdf2231's Avatar
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    So I was going to the local convenience store to buy milk for widows and orphans of *HitlerHallibutonCokeSpoonMcChimpypants' illegal war against the peace loving victims of Iraq. I was wearing my "Hope For Change That Is Different From The Past Which Was Yesterday But Will Hopefully Get Better In 08" T-shirt and chanting "o-BAMA!, o-BAMA!, o-BAMA!" at the top of my lungs when suddenly 97 people jumped out of the bushes (Vishnu! I hate even applying THAT word to decent wholesome children of our mother like shrubs but you have to be open minded about SOME things.) and followed me into the store telling me how cool I was for being an Obama supporter.

    As I approached the counter surrounded by the warming glow of so many smart and cheerful auras the clerk behind the counter drew himself to full attention and actually saluted me for being so progressive! As he dealt with the people in front of me I chatted with the 97 people and actually managed to convert 3 people who were Hillary supporters who were going to vote for OBAMA! but didn't love him with every fiber of their being. One of them was a swimsuit model who actually got on her knees and was yanking down my trou to Hoover me in appreciation for healing her political soul when the door opened and an icy wind of putrid hatred and ignorance wafted into the store!

    It was Some Freeper Guy! I could tell because he was wearing an American flag baseball cap and a confederate flag T-shirt over his pin stripe banker's pants and $3,000 shoes. He sneered and hissed at everyone in the place and then did a farmers blow on the floor before sauntering up and getting right in my face. Now I may be an acne ridden 22 year old asthmatic virgin with an un-dropped left testicle and a steel plate in my head from where I fell out of the dorm room window after doing too many whippets, but SOMEBODY needed to put this guy in his place!

    "OBAMA!" he boomed. "Ain't that that Niggrah fellah we'uns is gonna lynch for'n he commences to rapin' white wimmens in the name a SATAN?!?!"

    Well that was just TOO much, let me tell you. The desk clerk looked to me for a cue and I nodded. He slipped out from behind the counter and locked the door, flipping the sign over to the closed side. I centered my Chakras and before the guy could blink I channeled the spirit of Leon Trotski and burned him to a cinder with fiery red beams of righteous progressive fury that blasted from my eyes. And to make it absolutely perfect his ashes fell to the ground in the shape of the word "HOPE"!

    We all danced around his smoldering remains singing "We Shall Overcome" and then chanted in a healing circle to purify the place of his foul Freeper contamination. The store clerk came up to me and shook my hand and said "I don't know if you noticed this... But I'm an African American and I want to thank you for striking a blow for equality for my people!" I assured him that I had always been a champion of racial justice, having lived two floors down from an African American in my dorm building and actually having had a conversation with a fine gentleman who squeegeed my Prius windshield for me one time in Chicago. He cried harder after that and I grasped his head between my hands and stared straight into his eyes as I told him that all of the troubles of the world would end in November and we would all be Brothers From Another Mother and live in peace and harmony with rainbows and unicorns and tons of government grown dope.

    Well friends, he swept up what was left of that Freeper Maggot and I paid for my widow and orphan milk and then to the applause of everyone there I walked proudly out of the store. I just wish I could have done more...
    Fixed. :D

    .
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  6. #16  
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    Quote Originally Posted by asdf2231 View Post
    Fixed. :D

    .
    Now THAT is a story!:D
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  7. #17  
    Quote Originally Posted by jinxmchue View Post
    Hrm... Let me try something.



    Oh, man...
    Uh.... This seems to ahve distracted me from my web browsing. Its almost hypnotic. I sat there for 15 minutes watching it all.
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