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  1. #1 Damn, it's great to be a man.... 
    Senior Member Rebel Yell's Avatar
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    Men Are Just Happier People --

    What do you expect from such simple creatures?

    Your last name stays put.

    The garage is all yours.

    Wedding plans take care of themselves.

    Chocolate is just another snack.

    You can be President.

    You can never be pregnant.

    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

    You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

    Car mechanics tell you the truth.

    The world is your urinal.

    You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

    Same work, more pay.

    Wrinkles add character.

    Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

    People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

    One mood all the time.

    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

    You know stuff about tanks.

    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

    You can open all your own jars..

    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

    If someone forgets to invite you,

    He or she can still be your friend.

    Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

    You almost never have strap problems in public.

    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

    Everything on your face stays its original color.

    The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

    You only have to shave your face and neck.

    You can play with toys all your life.

    One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

    You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

    You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

    On December 24 in 25 minutes.

    No wonder men are happier.

    Send this to the women who can handle it

    And to the men who will enjoy reading it.



    ___________________________________

    Men Are Just Happier People



    NICKNAMES
    ∑ If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

    ∑ If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .



    EATING OUT

    ∑ When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

    ∑ When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.



    MONEY

    ∑ A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

    ∑ A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.



    BATHROOMS

    ∑ A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

    ∑ The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.



    ARGUMENTS

    ∑ A woman has the last word in any argument.
    I feel that once a black fella has referred to white foks as "honky paleface devil white-trash cracker redneck Caspers," he's abdicated the right to get upset about the "N" word. But that's just me. -- Jim Goad
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  2. #2  
    Power CUer NJCardFan's Avatar
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    The Obama Administration: Deny. Deflect. Blame.
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  3. #3  
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    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

    On December 24 in 25 minutes.
    Going to the bar and saying that you toasted them is not equivalent to a gift, I don't care how many of you think it is.
    Last edited by Phillygirl; 05-12-2011 at 01:10 PM.
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  4. #4  
    Power CUer noonwitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NJCardFan View Post

    That's funny.
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  5. #5  
    Best Bounty Hunter in the Forums fettpett's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NJCardFan View Post
    wait, what guy goes to GAP to buy jeans? :eek:
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  6. #6  
    LTC Member Odysseus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phillygirl View Post
    Going to the bar and saying that you toasted them is not equivalent to a gift, I don't care how many of you tink it is.
    It's better than making a donation to the Human Fund. :D
    Quote Originally Posted by fettpett View Post
    wait, what guy goes to GAP to buy jeans? :eek:
    If you're buying them for your kids, it's okay.
    --Odysseus
    Sic Hacer Pace, Para Bellum.

    Before you can do things for people, you must be the kind of man who can get things done. But to get things done, you must love the doing, not the people!
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  7. #7  
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    I usually go straight to the store for the item I want. I've worked in retail wayy too long to dawdle in places I am not shopping in.

    ~QC
    "The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is hard business. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." Rudyard Kipling - (1865-1936)

    Context doesn't matter to this liberal it seems/ as long as it satisfies his godless dreams/ like monkeys throwing sh!t as castles in air/ as long as he throws/that is the extent of his care.
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  8. #8  
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    Quote Originally Posted by CueSi View Post
    I usually go straight to the store for the item I want. I've worked in retail wayy too long to dawdle in places I am not shopping in.

    ~QC
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  9. #9  
    Best Bounty Hunter in the Forums fettpett's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Odysseus View Post
    It's better than making a donation to the Human Fund. :D

    If you're buying them for your kids, it's okay.

    thats true....but if I'm buying for my kids, I'm not spending $33 on jeans, i'll got to walmart and get the same thing for $11
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  10. #10  
    Power CUer noonwitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CueSi View Post
    I usually go straight to the store for the item I want. I've worked in retail wayy too long to dawdle in places I am not shopping in.

    ~QC

    I have too much arthritis in one of my knees for the mall wandering. My mom always did the wandering thing.
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