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  1. #1 Help! Anyone here know how to pass a urine test? 
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    Taverner (1000+ posts) Mon May-16-11 11:50 AM
    Original message

    Help! Anyone here know how to pass a urine test?

    Everyone's trying to sell the product out there, and from what I heard most solutions don't work

    Does anyone have a sure fire way to beat a urine test? I've heard of the "fake penis" method and that seems like the most fool proof, but does anyone have experience doing this"?
    Oh brudder.
    The Velveteen Ocelot (1000+ posts) Mon May-16-11 11:52 AM
    Response to Original message
    3. Don't use drugs or alcohol before taking the test. Sure-fire win.
    :eek: Common sense from a DUmmie?!?!
    Taverner (1000+ posts) Mon May-16-11 11:55 AM
    Response to Reply #3
    13. Yes I know, but let's just say I'm a heavy smoker
    and let's just say that I have a fully legal perscription
    Suuurree.
    sufrommich (1000+ posts) Mon May-16-11 11:58 AM
    Response to Reply #13
    19. If you have a legal prescription, what's the problem?
    Don't they ask for your list of prescriptions before the test?
    Taverner (1000+ posts) Mon May-16-11 12:15 PM
    Response to Reply #19
    47. Apparently the company doesn't honor said perscription
    Which sucks.

    I want to dump my own specimen on RReagan's goddamn grave right now...
    TA DA! It's Ronald Reagan's fault that his perspective employer doesn't want some looser pothead for an employee.

    Webster Green (1000+ posts) Mon May-16-11 12:24 PM
    Response to Reply #33
    59. I've had places that wanted to hire me, but my pot use prevented it.
    A couple of times, employers wanted me, but their insurance demanded a drug screening of employees. It was just frustrating for both of us. I tell them up front that I smoke like a Rasta and don't plan to stop.

    Once time in Florida, a temp company supplying construction workers hired me on as a metal framer, but the guy gave me 5 weeks to clean up for the test, since I told him I smoked a lot of pot. I wanted the job bad, so I chilled on the pot for awhile till I passed the test. The jobs I worked on were huge projects, and a lot of workers got baked during breaks and at lunch. The parking lot smelled like Woodstock at lunchtime.
    Yeah. Nothing like hanging steel while stoned. That's not a recipe for disaster or anything.




    By far the best post in the thread:
    Vinnie From Indy (1000+ posts) Mon May-16-11 12:25 PM
    Response to Original message
    61. You could pee on your prospective employers desk
    and tell him that if he wants to test your piss to have at it. It is very important that you slam the door on your way out while loudly humming the Battle Hymm of the Republic.
    HHHHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAAA!!!!!
    Olde-style, states' rights conservative. Ask if this concept confuses you.
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  2. #2  
    Festivus Moderator ralph wiggum's Avatar
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    I really hope Skinner is proud of his site. One of the most active topics on a supposedly serious political discussion board is about how to pass a drug test.
    Voted hottest "chick" at CU - My hotness transcends gender
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  3. #3  
    Festivus Moderator ralph wiggum's Avatar
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    This is a real gem:

    rfranklin (1000+ posts) Mon May-16-11 12:56 PM
    Response to Reply #10
    16. Lay off the poppy seed bagels...

    I spent 5 years in Jamesburg because I stopped in Jersey Bagel Boy on the way to the test.
    Uh, yeah right.
    Voted hottest "chick" at CU - My hotness transcends gender
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  4. #4  
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    I'm sensing a trend with Vinnie...:D

    Vinnie From Indy (1000+ posts) Mon May-16-11 01:07 PM
    Response to Original message
    37. About the fake penis thing
    Get the biggest one you can find. 16" to 18" usually works best if someone is watching you while you piss. Simply put the cup on the floor and whip out your gargantuan fake penis and start wizzing. Chance are the witness will be so stunned at seeing such a large penis that they will not think about whether or not it is fake. Maybe put some sort of anti-drug message on the fake penis as well. Every little bit helps. Also, make sure that you have at least a half gallon of piss stored up so at least if you fail the test there will piss all over the place. You could also turn and aim at the witness and start laughing maniacally while peeing all over them. Then make sure you zip up and tell the tester that you are not going to sit there and listen to him bad mouth the United States of America. Slam the door when you leave as well.

    Cheers!
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  5. #5  
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    SidDithers (1000+ posts) Mon May-16-11 12:58 PM
    Response to Original message

    22. K&R for any post with the phrase "fake penis" in it...

    Sid

    Sid is hilarous. :D
    May the FORCE be with you!
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  6. #6  
    Power CUer NJCardFan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ralph wiggum View Post
    I really hope Skinner is proud of his site. One of the most active topics on a supposedly serious political discussion board is about how to circumvent the law.
    Fixed

    Quote Originally Posted by ralph wiggum View Post
    This is a real gem:



    Uh, yeah right.
    Jamesburg is a juvenile facility in case anyone wanted to know.
    The Obama Administration: Deny. Deflect. Blame.
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  7. #7  
    Power CUer noonwitch's Avatar
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    Hey, Dummie, it's called Goldenseal tea. Ask any crackhead who got their kids back from foster care.
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  8. #8  
    Festivus Moderator ralph wiggum's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NJCardFan View Post
    Jamesburg is a juvenile facility in case anyone wanted to know.
    So, if I am to believe this story (which I don't), this idiot ate enough poppy-seed bagels to spend five years at a juvenile facility?

    Where's that giant B.S. flag when I need it?
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  9. #9  
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    Quote Originally Posted by ralph wiggum View Post
    So, if I am to believe this story (which I don't), this idiot ate enough poppy-seed bagels to spend five years at a juvenile facility?

    Where's that giant B.S. flag when I need it?
    Yeah... I have about two poppy seeds a week and I have never been pulled aside.

    ~QC
    "The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is hard business. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." Rudyard Kipling - (1865-1936)

    Context doesn't matter to this liberal it seems/ as long as it satisfies his godless dreams/ like monkeys throwing sh!t as castles in air/ as long as he throws/that is the extent of his care.
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  10. #10  
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    Quote Originally Posted by ralph wiggum View Post
    So, if I am to believe this story (which I don't), this idiot ate enough poppy-seed bagels to spend five years at a juvenile facility?

    Where's that giant B.S. flag when I need it?
    I figured it was a reference to this old episode of 'Seinfeld' where Elaine gets fired or at least is denied a promotion (I forget which) because an employee drug test she took tested positive for opium, but it turned out it was just because she had a fondness for poppy- seed muffins.
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