Help! Anyone here know how to pass a urine test?

[Articulate_Ape]

I know how to pass that urine test. I've done it over and over again.

(I stay out of trouble).

Those were your SATs.

[Novaheart]

This is a real gem:



Uh, yeah right.

http://www.snopes.com/medical/drugs/poppyseed.asp

In 1999, a New Jersey prison guard was fired for the same reason: a poppy seed bagel he'd had produced a positive drug test. His case was subjected to further examination, and he was reinstated seven months later.

In 1997, a woman in Florida was awarded $859,000 in her lawsuit against Bankers Insurance Group because it had withdrawn a lucrative job offer to her on the basis of her poppy seed-influenced drug screen results.

[Odysseus]

What if a chick needs to take the test?

Fake vajayjay? Is that possible?

Yes, but you have to make sure that it isn't a vibrating one, as the noise is a dead giveaway. :D

When I first enlisted I was a skinny bastard. I weighed about 10lbs UNDER the minimum weight allowance. That morning before getting leaving the hotel for the physical, I slammed a gallon of water.

They get us in, weigh us, and take us to a room to sit down. Next in line was the drug test. After about 20 minutes, you can see a number of us starting to do a bit of a dance in our chairs. A few minutes later we're standing up just trying to think about something else. The recruiters there all know whats going on, and you could see a hint of a smile on their face. Finally, one of them spoke up and says "Ok, it's time to do a urinalyses. Who really needs to go first?" We bolted for that door. Not one of us gave it a single though that it was just 6 us us standing around a circular trough hanging out pissing into a cup with a bunch of other guys watching. I never had to pee so bad in my life. And I still needed a weight waiver. :mad:

When I was a company commander, I set up a prank on our UPL involving smuggled apple juice. The observer was in on the gag, and watch me fill the container with the juice. When I put the bottle on the table, he asked me, "Sir, is that your specimen?" I picked it up, took a swig, said, "Yeah, I think so," and handed it to the observer. He also took a sip. We then nodded and said, "Yep, that's it." The reaction was, shall we say, epic?

Those were your SATs.

ROFLOL!

http://www.snopes.com/medical/drugs/poppyseed.asp

In 1999, a New Jersey prison guard was fired for the same reason: a poppy seed bagel he'd had produced a positive drug test. His case was subjected to further examination, and he was reinstated seven months later.

In 1997, a woman in Florida was awarded $859,000 in her lawsuit against Bankers Insurance Group because it had withdrawn a lucrative job offer to her on the basis of her poppy seed-influenced drug screen results.

This is why I always go for the onion bagel, or garlic, if I've been watching Buffy reruns.

[Adam Wood]

When I was a company commander, I set up a prank on our UPL involving smuggled apple juice. The observer was in on the gag, and watch me fill the container with the juice. When I put the bottle on the table, he asked me, "Sir, is that your specimen?" I picked it up, took a swig, said, "Yeah, I think so," and handed it to the observer. He also took a sip. We then nodded and said, "Yep, that's it." The reaction was, shall we say, epic?

LMAO!

[AmPat]

Help! Anyone here know how to pass a urine test?

Sure, don't smoke dope.

[ralph wiggum]

http://www.snopes.com/medical/drugs/poppyseed.asp

In 1999, a New Jersey prison guard was fired for the same reason: a poppy seed bagel he'd had produced a positive drug test. His case was subjected to further examination, and he was reinstated seven months later.

In 1997, a woman in Florida was awarded $859,000 in her lawsuit against Bankers Insurance Group because it had withdrawn a lucrative job offer to her on the basis of her poppy seed-influenced drug screen results.

I had already read snopes and several related stories about how people have been fired for testing positive for opiates after ingesting poppy seeds.

However, the doofus in question above claimed to get sent to a juvenile detention facility for FIVE years for testing positive. I don't believe that a bit.

[NJCardFan]

So, if I am to believe this story (which I don't), this idiot ate enough poppy-seed bagels to spend five years at a juvenile facility?

Where's that giant B.S. flag when I need it?

I think they left out of the story the 10 nickel bags they had in their pocket when pissing hot. Oh, and I've never heard of anyone getting jail time for pissing hot outside of a PV.