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  1. #21  
    Senior Ape Articulate_Ape's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lanie View Post
    I know how to pass that urine test. I've done it over and over again.

    (I stay out of trouble).
    Those were your SATs.
    "The efforts of the government alone will never be enough. In the end the people must choose and the people must help themselves" ~ JFK; from his famous inauguration speech (What Democrats sounded like before today's neo-Liberals hijacked that party)
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  2. #22  
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    Quote Originally Posted by ralph wiggum View Post
    This is a real gem:



    Uh, yeah right.
    http://www.snopes.com/medical/drugs/poppyseed.asp

    In 1999, a New Jersey prison guard was fired for the same reason: a poppy seed bagel he'd had produced a positive drug test. His case was subjected to further examination, and he was reinstated seven months later.

    In 1997, a woman in Florida was awarded $859,000 in her lawsuit against Bankers Insurance Group because it had withdrawn a lucrative job offer to her on the basis of her poppy seed-influenced drug screen results.
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  3. #23  
    LTC Member Odysseus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JB View Post
    What if a chick needs to take the test?

    Fake vajayjay? Is that possible?
    Yes, but you have to make sure that it isn't a vibrating one, as the noise is a dead giveaway. :D
    Quote Originally Posted by djones520 View Post
    When I first enlisted I was a skinny bastard. I weighed about 10lbs UNDER the minimum weight allowance. That morning before getting leaving the hotel for the physical, I slammed a gallon of water.

    They get us in, weigh us, and take us to a room to sit down. Next in line was the drug test. After about 20 minutes, you can see a number of us starting to do a bit of a dance in our chairs. A few minutes later we're standing up just trying to think about something else. The recruiters there all know whats going on, and you could see a hint of a smile on their face. Finally, one of them spoke up and says "Ok, it's time to do a urinalyses. Who really needs to go first?" We bolted for that door. Not one of us gave it a single though that it was just 6 us us standing around a circular trough hanging out pissing into a cup with a bunch of other guys watching. I never had to pee so bad in my life. And I still needed a weight waiver. :mad:
    When I was a company commander, I set up a prank on our UPL involving smuggled apple juice. The observer was in on the gag, and watch me fill the container with the juice. When I put the bottle on the table, he asked me, "Sir, is that your specimen?" I picked it up, took a swig, said, "Yeah, I think so," and handed it to the observer. He also took a sip. We then nodded and said, "Yep, that's it." The reaction was, shall we say, epic?

    Quote Originally Posted by Articulate_Ape View Post
    Those were your SATs.
    ROFLOL!
    Quote Originally Posted by Novaheart View Post
    http://www.snopes.com/medical/drugs/poppyseed.asp

    In 1999, a New Jersey prison guard was fired for the same reason: a poppy seed bagel he'd had produced a positive drug test. His case was subjected to further examination, and he was reinstated seven months later.

    In 1997, a woman in Florida was awarded $859,000 in her lawsuit against Bankers Insurance Group because it had withdrawn a lucrative job offer to her on the basis of her poppy seed-influenced drug screen results.
    This is why I always go for the onion bagel, or garlic, if I've been watching Buffy reruns.
    --Odysseus
    Sic Hacer Pace, Para Bellum.

    Before you can do things for people, you must be the kind of man who can get things done. But to get things done, you must love the doing, not the people!
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  4. #24  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Odysseus View Post
    When I was a company commander, I set up a prank on our UPL involving smuggled apple juice. The observer was in on the gag, and watch me fill the container with the juice. When I put the bottle on the table, he asked me, "Sir, is that your specimen?" I picked it up, took a swig, said, "Yeah, I think so," and handed it to the observer. He also took a sip. We then nodded and said, "Yep, that's it." The reaction was, shall we say, epic?
    LMAO!
    Olde-style, states' rights conservative. Ask if this concept confuses you.
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  5. #25  
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    Help! Anyone here know how to pass a urine test?
    Sure, don't smoke dope.
    Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil.
    C. S. Lewis
    Do not ever say that the desire to "do good" by force is a good motive. Neither power-lust nor stupidity are good motives. (Are you listening Barry)?:mad:
    Ayn Rand
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  6. #26  
    Festivus Moderator ralph wiggum's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Novaheart View Post
    http://www.snopes.com/medical/drugs/poppyseed.asp

    In 1999, a New Jersey prison guard was fired for the same reason: a poppy seed bagel he'd had produced a positive drug test. His case was subjected to further examination, and he was reinstated seven months later.

    In 1997, a woman in Florida was awarded $859,000 in her lawsuit against Bankers Insurance Group because it had withdrawn a lucrative job offer to her on the basis of her poppy seed-influenced drug screen results.
    I had already read snopes and several related stories about how people have been fired for testing positive for opiates after ingesting poppy seeds.

    However, the doofus in question above claimed to get sent to a juvenile detention facility for FIVE years for testing positive. I don't believe that a bit.
    Voted hottest "chick" at CU - My hotness transcends gender
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  7. #27  
    Power CUer NJCardFan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ralph wiggum View Post
    So, if I am to believe this story (which I don't), this idiot ate enough poppy-seed bagels to spend five years at a juvenile facility?

    Where's that giant B.S. flag when I need it?
    I think they left out of the story the 10 nickel bags they had in their pocket when pissing hot. Oh, and I've never heard of anyone getting jail time for pissing hot outside of a PV.
    The Obama Administration: Deny. Deflect. Blame.
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