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  1. #1 Bear lost — and now ‘kidnappers’ want $10,000 in cupcakes! 
    Bear lost — and now ‘kidnappers’ want $10,000 in cupcakes!
    By Daniel Ng
    for The Brooklyn Paper

    A beloved stuffed animal lost by a traumatized 2-year-old in a Cobble Hill playground last month is facing torture and a painful death — unless the tot’s horrified mother meets the “kidnapper’s” demand for $10,000 worth of cupcakes.

    Gluten- and peanut-free, no less.

    It might just be a joke — but Susannah Bortner isn’t willing to take that chance.

    “I would gladly bake 10,000 cupcakes,” Bortner said, thinking of her toddler, Donovan, and his lost bear, Mr. Bear. “There is a part of me wishing this is real.”

    Alas, it likely is not.

    But there are a million stories in the naked city — few more gripping, heart-rending and less-plausible than this.

    It all started on the otherwise uneventful day of May 9, when Donovan accidentally dropped the teddy bear wrapped in a blue blanket in the PS 29 schoolyard.

    “He dropped Mr. Bear, and I didn’t notice until that evening,” Bortner said. “The next day, Mr. Bear was not there.”
    More heart-rending lost binky info at the link.

    Brooklyn Paper
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  2. #2  
    Does no one care about small child's tragedy?

    Be sure to read the snarky and hilarious comment from the purported "kidnapped" bear below the story.
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  3. #3  
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gingersnap View Post
    Does no one care about small child's tragedy?

    Be sure to read the snarky and hilarious comment from the purported "kidnapped" bear below the story.
    Do the cupcakes have cream cheese frosting?
    The difference between pigs and people is that when they tell you you're cured it isn't a good thing.
    http://i.imgur.com/FHvkMSE.jpg
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  4. #4  
    Best Bounty Hunter in the Forums fettpett's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gingersnap View Post
    Does no one care about small child's tragedy?

    Be sure to read the snarky and hilarious comment from the purported "kidnapped" bear below the story.
    you mean this:
    We have the blanket. Nothing will happen to it if we get $10,000 of gluten-free cupcakes delivered to this park.”

    Lest Bortner not be able to ID the “kidnappers,” the ransom note went on: “I’ll be dressed as a pregnant woman with a baby in a stroller. My accomplice will be wearing a T-shirt, baseball cap, cargo shorts and mandrals. We’ll be obsessing over our toddler.

    Then it added this horrifying warning: “Come alone or this blanket (and bear) goes into the washer. No gentle cycle!

    The last three words were underlined.
    :D

    I'll give the kid a bear for 10,000 cupcakes....they freeze well:D
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  5. #5  
    Quote Originally Posted by fettpett View Post
    you mean this?
    Nope, I mean this:
    Mr. Bear from Land of Stuffed Animals says:
    Dear Donovan,

    It is I, your beloved Mr. Bear. Actually, my real name is Roosen the 3rd. I am the third bear that the nice lady created. She also named me Roosen before selling me to some company for national distribution.

    I do not know how to say this, but since you're a small kid you probably wouldn't understand, so I wouldn't really break your heart. Here's the thing. Remember how you always hugged me tight at night? You always drooled on me kid. I know, I know. You really loved me a lot, but come on, no living thing, or for this matter, stuffed animal, would like to be a drool rug everynight! I dreaded every evening because I knew you'd be drooling all over me until morning.

    It's not just the drooling part that I really didn't like. Remember when we used to play during the afternoons? You'd be throwing me up into the air repeatedly. Look kid, I'm not superman. I'm a bear, a stuffed bear! I don't have super powers (except drool absorption), and it actually hurts everytime I land on some lego or your mom's shoes.

    Sometimes when other kids are nearby, you guys tend to have toy wars. Us toys are peace loving folks. Why do you kids always "play war"? No wonder this country is always at war with others. Even kids as young as you like biting off the head of some other kid's barbie doll. You make your friends cry! That's not cool kid.

    And by the way, can you please do something about your constant peeing and pooping? One moment we're playing hide and seek with Mr. Bear, the other, I'm hiding under your diapers with unwanted extras. Of course your mom would throw me in the washers after that, but really, does it have to happen to me every day or two? Give me a break!

    If you or your mom could read this, yes, I am finally admitting it. You didn't drop me. I actually escaped while nobody was looking, hid behind some bushes, then went to the Land of Stuffed Animals where we can live happily ever after without being drooled, peed, and pooped on.

    I love you kid, it would be a lie to say I never reciprocated your feelings, but your constant stuffed animal abuse is just too much for me to bear (get it?). I hope you'll understand my departure. Maybe someday when you grow up, you'll understand that if you really love somebody, then you'll have to set them free.

    Thank you for the good times, grow up to be a great kid, and I hope you find friends and a lover who wouldn't leave you, no matter how much you drool, pee, or poop.

    Love,
    Mr. Bear (Roosen the 3rd)
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