I am officially announcing my support for Jonathan Sharkey, candidate from Florida. If you do not know Mr. Sharkey, here is his wikipedia page.
I will draw your attention to these top ten significant talking points and highlights:
1. He is a family man:
2. For the anti-gay conservative:Sharkey claims that he first drank blood at age five and now consumes the blood of his girlfriends and mistresses twice a week. He has described his vampirism as "a very healthy thing to do" and has praised Hollywood for making vampire feeding practices "romantic and erotic".
3. He can pull votes from all corners of society:He does not drink men's blood, only women's because "women are beautiful...they have such beautiful necks and arms".
4. Firm defender of the Freedom of Religion:He has run both as a Republican and on the ticket of his own Vampires, Witches, and Pagans Party.
5. He is tough on crime:Sharkey has criticized Mitt Romney for downplaying his own religious beliefs, saying "I'm not ashamed of my beliefs. Why should he?"
6. And he will continue the war on drugs:He has described his policy on crime as follows: "Certain criminals, instead of being put in jail, they should be brutally tortured and impaled....Upon them being found guilty of their crimes I'll beat them, torture them, dismember them and decapitate them."
7. For the pro-gay conservative:... said his policy for dealing with drug dealers is to "go to Sicilian families and have them attack the drug dealers for me".
8. He will probably pull some liberal votes with this:.. he supports equal rights for gays.
9. But will also pull some rightwing Christian votes:He opposes President Obama's health care reform and would replace it with a plan of his own in which the poor would receive free medical and dental care; the expenses would be paid with government taxes on marijuana and prostitution, which Sharkey supports legalizing and regulating. On foreign policy, he wishes to bring American troops home from foreign war zones.
10. And finally, he truly understands our founding fathers and what they stood for:Sharkey says that he will ban abortion and the teaching of evolution in public schools.
Godspeed, Mr. Sharkey, godspeed.He compares Lucifer to the Founding Fathers of the United States, arguing that they both exemplify the idea of rebellion against tyranny.