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  1. #1 For Marines in Afghanistan: be careful where you fart 
    LTC Member Odysseus's Avatar
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    August 23rd, 2011 | Afghanistan | Posted by Gina Cavallaro


    (Marine Corps photo)

    Marine Corps Times is a family newspaper and we only rarely have offensive language in our stories.

    But this week the word “fart” appears in a story I wrote about the importance of trust between Marines and the Afghan national army soldiers they work with.

    I didn’t want to write this little blog entry about farts. It’s not even on my beat. But my colleague Dan Lamothe, whose byline you have seen here quite often, shamed me into it.

    “You owe it to all Marines,” he told me.

    So here’s the news: audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange because it offends the Afghans.

    I know there are many things in the Afghan culture that don’t seem normal to Americans and it’s hard to spend seven months working in someone else’s back yard. Still, the Marines I saw downrange are doing a pretty good job at trying to do the right thing around the Afghans.

    They’re not supposed to cuss because it could be misunderstood (that one goes out the window a lot). And they stay away from talking about politics, religion or girls because those topics could escalate into major disagreements (they can’t communicate anyway because of the language barrier).

    But farting? That’s practically a sport. Ok, it’s not soccer, but a good contest could open the door for cross-cultural exchanges, jokes and other gallows humor.

    So, for all Marines getting ready to go downwind, I mean downrange, be forewarned — you may have to hold it in… at least until you get back to your hooch where you can loudly crop dust your friends.
    __________________________________________________ _________
    Hope 'n' Change cartoons has done a better job of commenting on this than I can.



    It's true: there is no such thing as a vacation for the president of the United States. While in Martha's Vineyard, Barack Obama has had to deal with a major earthquake, about which he did nothing, a huge hurricane, about which he is doing nothing, and now reports of gas attacks in populated regions of Afghanistan... with our own marines to blame!

    According to a published report in the Military Times "Battle Rattle" section, Marines have been ordered to suppress audible farts because it offends the Afghans.

    Now you might expect Hope n' Change cartoons to mock the Afghans for their hypocrisy and squeamishness...but in this case, we've got to take their side. After all, biological weapons are strictly forbidden under the rules of the Geneva Convention...and it's our considered opinion that despite the potential devastation of mustard gas, chlorine gas, or nerve agents on the battlefield, a genuine made-in-America Marine's Fart could be more destructive than all of those things combined.

    We're not talking about the little hummingbird tweets which squeak out of the commander in chief and smell like cotton candy. No sir, we're talking about thundering, armor-piercing, white hot, "Don't look inside the Lost Ark of the Covenant!" 10-megaton MARINE farts! Even one of which is said to make a measurable change in Global Warming, especially if released near Al Gore.

    And so, Marines, "hold 'em if you got 'em"...and keep that gas from passing while you're "guests" in Afghanistan!

    When you get home, you can finally let it all out.

    Hopefully during a tour of the Whitehouse.

    The few. The proud. The MARINES.
    --Odysseus
    Sic Hacer Pace, Para Bellum.

    Before you can do things for people, you must be the kind of man who can get things done. But to get things done, you must love the doing, not the people!
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  2. #2  
    Destroyer of Worlds Apocalypse's Avatar
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    I was going to bring this over, you beat me to it.

    This is the link you missed.

    http://cc.bingj.com/cache.aspx?q=mil...645e9,2e31785c

    The comments section is golden.

    ~~~~~

    It’s not like it was in the Old Corps!

    ~~~~

    Are you kidding me. With the shit we had to eat i was farting none stop. I mean really all the MREs and UGRs all you do is fart.

    ~~~~~~

    I have to ask….what discipinary action does UAF (Un-Approved Farting) carry these days???
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  3. #3  
    Senior Member txradioguy's Avatar
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    The fact they only bathe when it rains offends the hell out of me when I have to work in close proximity to them.

    They can deal with the breaking of wind. There's a hell of a lot more for Marines to worry about in Helmand Province than whether they offend some Afghan when they bust ass.
    In Memory Of My Friend 1st Sgt. Tim Millsap A Co, 70th Eng. Bn. 3rd Bde 1st AD...K.I.A. 25 April 2005

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  4. #4  
    LTC Member Odysseus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apocalypse View Post
    I have to ask….what discipinary action does UAF (Un-Approved Farting) carry these days???
    It depends on whether it is prosecuted as a WMD discharge or a simple failure to clear one's backblast area. I'm sure that a fartwa will come out to clear the air regarding the issue.
    --Odysseus
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  5. #5  
    Senior Member Molon Labe's Avatar
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    Let me get this straight? They put their dinky in 11 year old boys, but have an offense to passing gas?
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  6. #6  
    Senior Member txradioguy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Molon Labe View Post
    Let me get this straight? They put their dinky in 11 year old boys, but have an offense to passing gas?
    Pretty much.
    In Memory Of My Friend 1st Sgt. Tim Millsap A Co, 70th Eng. Bn. 3rd Bde 1st AD...K.I.A. 25 April 2005

    Liberalism Is The Philosophy Of The Stupid

    To Achieve Ordered Liberty You Must Have Moral Order As Well

    The libs/dems of today are the Quislings of former years. The cowards who would vote a fraud into office in exchange for handouts from the devil.
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  7. #7  
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    Quote Originally Posted by txradioguy View Post
    The fact they only bathe when it rains offends the hell out of me when I have to work in close proximity to them.

    They can deal with the breaking of wind. There's a hell of a lot more for Marines to worry about in Helmand Province than whether they offend some Afghan when they bust ass.
    When we're talking about farting, are we talking outside the bounds of common decency? I know some people think farting is funny, and others are merely unself-conscious, but as a rule most people won't fart in the company of a stranger while giving traffic directions.

    For the record, the Afghans should be glad that the occupation army isn't Chinese. Living in San Francisco for many years, one thing you never get used to is the (usually immigrant) Chinese being seemingly unaware that it's rude to fart while sitting next to someone on a subway or a bus. I have never known marines to fart in public before, but then as someone else noted, they weren't eating the same stuff in DC that they are in Afghanistan.

    Is this a problem with the Armed Forces of the Crown as well?
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  8. #8  
    Senior Betwixt Member Bubba Dawg's Avatar
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    I usually don't know when my farts are going to be audible until I hear them.

    I don't know when my farts are going to stink until I smell them.
    Hey careful man! There's a beverage here!
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  9. #9  
    Senior Member Big Guy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubba Dawg View Post
    I usually don't know when my farts are going to be audible until I hear them.

    I don't know when my farts are going to stink until I smell them.
    I do, mine are all loud and they all smell like shit. :D
    I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. Thomas Jefferson
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  10. #10  
    Senior Member Apache's Avatar
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    Give me a 6-pack and some jalapenos and I'll have the entire Middle East in peace talks ASAP :o
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