Looking for Mr. Right, Inc.: Woman Wants to Marry a Corporation

[Odysseus]

By Alex in Politics on Jan 28, 2011 at 11:01 pm
http://www.neatorama.com/2011/01/28/...a-corporation/

If, according to the recent rulings of the U.S. Supreme Court on the subject of political contributions, a corporation has the same rights as people, then can a corporation get married?

That’s what Sarah Steiner figured, so forget Mr. Right – she wants Mr. Right, Inc. Frank Cerabino of The Palm Beach Post wrote:

Steiner, a former co-chair of the Green Party of Florida, said her perfect corporate husband would be environmentally conscious, socially responsible and "not evil."

"I will be looking for how they behaved in past mergers," she said. [...]

Steiner, who had a brief, human-on-human marriage during her teen years, figured that she might as well try to marry a corporation this time.

"I’m looking for the same thing that any girl is looking for – a partner," she said.

And a corporate partner has its advantages.

"Are you planning to have kids?" I asked her.

"Subsidiaries," she said. "Yes. Maybe even spinoffs."

Does that make her wedding night an IPO? :D

[AmPat]

By Alex in Politics on Jan 28, 2011 at 11:01 pm
http://www.neatorama.com/2011/01/28/...a-corporation/

If, according to the recent rulings of the U.S. Supreme Court on the subject of political contributions, a corporation has the same rights as people, then can a corporation get married?

That’s what Sarah Steiner figured, so forget Mr. Right – she wants Mr. Right, Inc. Frank Cerabino of The Palm Beach Post wrote:

Steiner, a former co-chair of the Green Party of Florida, said her perfect corporate husband would be environmentally conscious, socially responsible and "not evil."

"I will be looking for how they behaved in past mergers," she said. [...]

Steiner, who had a brief, human-on-human marriage during her teen years, figured that she might as well try to marry a corporation this time.

"I’m looking for the same thing that any girl is looking for – a partner," she said.


And a corporate partner has its advantages.

"Are you planning to have kids?" I asked her.

"Subsidiaries," she said. "Yes. Maybe even spinoffs."

Does that make her wedding night an IPO? :D

Polygamy?:eek:

[Odysseus]

Polygamy?:eek:

Only if the shareholders get to exercise their options individually. From the looks of her, I'd have to designate a proxy, and in a few years, she'll have depreciated so much that they'll need to start looking to liquidate that holding and retool.

[DumbAss Tanker]

I'm sure she will have just as much luck in this quest as she would have in trying to find an actual, fully-functional MAN to marry her moonbat ass.

It's because of stupid twats like this that domestic relations laws generally refer to 'Natural persons.'

[JB]

The gay marriage slippery slope. :eek:

Before you know it some douche will want to marry a stripper pole.

[Odysseus]

The gay marriage slippery slope. :eek:

Before you know it some douche will want to marry a stripper pole.

I certainly think that a number of men wouldn't mind being a stripper pole... :D

[Elspeth]

I certainly think that a number of men wouldn't mind being a stripper pole... :D

Ain't enough Viagra in the world for that.:D

[Kay]

"I’m looking for the same thing that any girl is looking for – a partner," she said.

I might could go for a LP (Limited Partnership).
A very limited partnership.

[Elspeth]

I might could go for a LP (Limited Partnership).
A very limited partnership.

I wanna see if this girl can marry a corporation. And as the "person" she is marrying is an abstract legal entity, I assume consumation requires a mere signature. If the government says she can't marry a corporation, then a discrimination suit is in order. ;) I see this one going to the Supreme Court.:D

[Odysseus]

Ain't enough Viagra in the world for that.:D

It's not the Viagra, but the length of the pole. :D

I might could go for a LP (Limited Partnership).
A very limited partnership.

So, you wouldn't have a mergers and acquisitions division, then. :D

I wanna see if this girl can marry a corporation. And as the "person" she is marrying is an abstract legal entity, I assume consumation requires a mere signature. If the government says she can't marry a corporation, then a discrimination suit is in order. ;) I see this one going to the Supreme Court.:D

Even though it is an abstract legal entity, there are marital obligations that she can expect to have fulfilled. How they would be fulfilled would have to be part of the marriage contract, which would, by necessity, stipulate the details of the consumation. The board of directors could designate an employee to perform those duties, (can't wait to read that job description), or they could decline to delegate the task and perform it themselves, unless the shareholders vote to perform the duty themselves and limit the functions of the board to foreplay and a bit of cuddling after the act.