Thread: Mule Trading

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  1. #1 Mule Trading 
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
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    Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily and bought a mule for $100.

    The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

    The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

    Curtis & Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back."

    The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already."

    They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

    The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

    Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

    The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

    Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

    A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.

    "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

    They said, “We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.."

    Leroy said, “Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $ 998."

    The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

    Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

    Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

    They're overseeing the Bailout & Stimulus Programs.
    The difference between pigs and people is that when they tell you you're cured it isn't a good thing.
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  2. #2  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Farmer John was injured when a truck hit his pick-up, and he filed a lawsuit against the driver who hit him. When the case went to trial, the truck driver's big city lawyer questioned farmer John."After the accident, did you not say to the sheriff's deputy, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.

    Farmer John answered, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...."

    "I did not ask you about your mule," the lawyer interrupted, "I asked you about your statement to the sheriff's deputy. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"

    Farmer John answered, "Like I was saying, I loaded Bessie into the trailer, and I hitched it to my pick-up truck...."

    The lawyer angrily turned to the judge. "Your honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the sheriff's deputy on the scene that he was just fine. Now, many months after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. If his case is not a fraud, he should be able to answer my question with a simple 'yes' or 'no.' Please tell him to simply answer the question."

    The judge, somewhat curious about the mule, responded, "Let's hear what he has to say. If he doesn't get around to answering your question, we'll deal with it after we find out about Bessie."

    Farmer John thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, Bessie was in my trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge truck ran the stop sign and smacked my truck. My pick-up went into the ditch, and the trailer tipped over. I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, and I knew that she was in a bad way, but I was hurtin' real bad and I couldn't even move. Then, the deputy came, and he could hear Bessie, so he went over to her. He looked at her for a moment, then he took out his gun and he shot her right between the eyes. Then the deputy came across the road with his gun in his hand, looked me right in the eyes, and asked, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
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    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
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  3. #3  
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    The farmer was busy working in his field planting crops, weeding and what not when he sees a young lad walking up the road with his hands cupped as if holding something.

    "Hey kid" he yelled, "What do you have in your hands?"

    "Well Mister" the young fellow replied, "I have a horse fly and I am taking it to town to trade for a horse!"

    The farmer just laughed and laughed as the lad walked away and soon forgot about the encounter. But lo and behold the next day here walks the kid with a beautiful horse on a rope. The kid yelled out cheerfully "Hi Mister!" and the farmer waved and smiled while whistling a soft "Damn!" under his breath.

    It's been a couple of months now and the plants are getting big and strong and the different fruits and vegetables he had planted were well on their way. The farmer toiled happily at keeping the ground free of weeds and pests when he spied the young fellow again trudging up his path with his hands cupped.

    "Yo kid" yelled the farmer, "What do you have in your hands this time?"

    With the same "Well Mister" as last time he excitedly explained "I have a bull frog and I'm taking it into town to trade it for a bull." The farmer was thoughtful and said, "Gee kid, you pulled it off once, but I really don't think they will fall for it a second time." The kid just smiled and shrugged and wandered off yelling over his shoulder, "See you tomorrow."

    Sure enough, the next day here comes the kid pulling the best looking bull the farmer had ever seen. "Kid, you have the touch for sure" he exclaimed and the kid smiled and waved as he continued up the path leaving the farmer shaking his head.

    Well the growing season was at it's end and the farmer was happily reaping the fruits of a great year in his fields when he sees a head bobbing up the road. Sure enough it is his young friend on his way to town with his hands cupped.

    "Okay kid, what is it this time?" he said as he walked up to the fence.

    "Well Mister" was his young friends' reply, "Today, I have a pussy willow and..." before he could finish his sentence, the farmer interrupted him "Hold on kid, let me get my coat"
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  4. #4  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Just a minute kid - I got a gold bug here.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
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