A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon, suddenly,
the wife realized that her husband had "disappeared".
The somewhat irate spouse called her husband’s cell phone and demanded: "Where the hell are you?"
Husband: "Darling you remember that jewelry shop where you saw the diamond necklace and
totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money at the time and said 'Baby it'll be yours one day'."
Wife, with a blushing smile: "Yes, of course, I remember that my Love."
Husband: "Well, I'm in the bar next to that shop."

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The Baptist & The Texas Cowboy...
A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,

"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

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Stay Safe for the Holidays
Since the Christmas holidays are fast approaching, and you may be attending festivities where alcohol might be served, I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many wines and some rather nice bourbon. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home. I arrived back safely and without incident, which was a real surprise since I had never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.
Merry Christmas