Whoa.
Wait.
What?
Oh my.
Well, well, well.
Well, well.
The winner of the #03 Top DUmmie of 2011 is a complete newcomer, someone who’s never been in the top twenty, ever, my fellow Nebraskan, Omaha’s Ed Norton, Omaha Steve.
Nebraska finally gets some respect, as we’ve never been represented in the awards before.
Omaha Steve, who’s in his late 50s and a rather big burly dude with beard, actually lives in a suburb south of Omaha, Bellevue, which is chock full of retired and current military personnel, Republicans, and conservatives.
One’s mystified as to why so many primitives—the brain-damaged primitive in New Jersey being an example, among many others—choose to live in red areas rather than blue areas, but there you have it.
Omaha Steve however does work for the city of Omaha, at the main waterworks in the southern part of that city, conveniently close to Bellevue. One’s not exactly sure if this involves incoming clean water or outgoing sewage, but probably both.
As is the habit of many primitives, Omaha Steve makes much of the 1/64th part of him that is, apparently, Native American, utterly ignoring the other 63/64th parts of him derived from the evil white man. His majority ethnicity isn’t clear; to franksolich, he seems Polish, but to many others he seems more likely Irish.
This of course is because primitives like to identify themselves with long-ago oppressed minorities, never the evil European-derived white man. The late Chief S itting Bull, the Greatest Primitive Ever, the bird-smacking stoned red-faced primitive Redstone, did this, as does Doug’s stupid ex-wife, Beth.
Omaha Steve first made a big-man splash earlier in 2011, during the troubles in Wisconsin, in which he bombasted greatly in his fraternal affiliation with the labor unions there, and even begged for money, lodging, and football tickets so that he could go up over there and join them.
You see, Omaha Steve doesn’t like to pay his own way; better that others pay his way.
Then later in the year, Omaha Steve, in a complete and utterly insane lack of judgement, announced on Skins’s island that he’s running for the Bellevue city council next year.
franksolich’s eyes grew as large as turkey-platters when seeing that.
Bellevue, as already mentioned, is a pretty red town, and publicly acknowledging that one hangs around on Skins’s island is not a “positive.” In fact, it’s a very big negative, and one’s surprised that his professional Democrat campaign advisers didn’t look at him with alarm, “No, Steve, don’t go there.”
franksolich offered to become his fellow Nebraskan’s campaign manager, an offer which Omaha’s Ed Norton coldly and silently declined, not aware that this gift horse had plenty of golden eggs in its mouth, and that as events subsequently played out, it probably would’ve been better if Omaha Steve had taken franksolich up on his magnanimous offer.
The first thing franksolich would’ve advised was that Omaha Steve immediately, right then and there, quit hanging around the primitives on Skins’s island. Just walk away from them, saying nothing. Never showing up there again. And by the time the campaign got underway in earnest, no one would’ve remembered that this stealth socialist candidate is Omaha Steve; the name of the primitive and the name of the candidate wouldn’t have been connected.
Too bad for Omaha Steve that he didn’t listen to franksolich. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and a woman scorned hath no fury like franksolich scorned.
note: what follows are some inanities of Omaha Steve this past year, selected at random but put into chronological order.
also, franksolich must acknowledge his enormous gratitude to JakeStyle here, for making my fellow Nebraskan more prominent—I’d just never paid much attention to him until our colleague pointed out to me earlier this year how interesting the big guy is…..and I was very happy to be able to write the surprise ending for everybody of course, but again somewhat more so for JakeStyle.
Originally Posted by Apache
