In other words- stop pretending that the "ideal" is the norm, it simply isn't. Statistically, most men have had a sexual relationship outside their marriage. It's the stuff divorces are made of, and we all know what the divorce rates are.
Divorce itself is part of this discussion. A person who has been married three times, is not a monogamous person in the strictest sense of the word. Her virginity is not restored by court order. She is a woman who has had three husbands. The fact that she didn't have them all at once might mean something to you, but it's a workaround of the rules. It's called serial polygamy.
He has contemplated how he'd like to "f**k the s**t out of Rick Santorum."
DAN SAVAGE, SEX ADVICE COLUMNIST: Unfortunately not exactly like it. I wish they were all fucking dead!
http://newsbusters.org/blogs/noel-sh...#ixzz1jjc4SlMphttp://www.mrc.org/cmi/cmi/articles/...Fking_Die.htmlJust this past May, Savage demanded that a Canadian politician "Suck my d***, John." That politician's crime? He held an opposing position on the gay agenda. Five months earlier, in a single Newsweek article, Savage said "F**K John McCain," and called Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia a "c**ksucker."
http://newsbusters.org/blogs/brad-wi...#ixzz1jje0LgkrDAN SAVAGE: Hitler treated gay people the way these right-wing bigots would like to treat gay people, gay soldiers the way these right-wing-
KEITH OLBERMANN: Mm-hmm.
SAVAGE: -bigots would like to treat gay people and gay soldiers. They were driven out of the armed forces. They were locked up in concentration camps, and they were murdered.
Shall I continue?
As Dan pointed out, male monogamy is not the historical norm. Things have changed over time, a huge one being that a man can now be held responsible for a child born to woman other than his wife, even if he doesn't acknowledge the child as his own. Prior to this, only the fidelity of the wife was an issue, because the man had an interest in only being father to children who were actually his. Once again, it is very clear that marriage law is property law in its origin and regardless of how many layers of religion a society may have slathered on it after that.
I think there are some 150 languages currently considered useful in the world today. I would bet that each one has a word for "mistress' or "concubine". How many of them have a similar word for a male? Few, I think. Because when a married man has a girlfriend, we call her a mistress. When a married woman has a boyfriend, we call her a tramp.
So, how do we prevent this? Simple: Marriage. Men have to agree to constrain what previous ages referred to as our "baser" impulses, in order to provide for our families. It is property law, but it has a moral component to it. We see a man who fails to meet his obligations as a failure, financially, morally and ethically. We use allegedly outmoded ideas like "shame" to compel men to conduct themselves according to the moral code that has evolved through centuries of trial and error. However, it's not enough to simply punish men who fail to keep up the standard, we have to also reduce the pressures on those men from outside. That is why the man who cuckolds is seen as a predator and treated accordingly, while the cuckolded husband is seen as a victim.
The difference in language reflects a critical difference between the genders, which is that men and women seek different things from their relationships. Men tend to seek physical gratification, and are willing to provide financial and physical support in return for it. Women seek emotional commitment, and are willing to provide physical gratification and houshold support in return. But, this doesn't take into account the critical beneficiaries of this, which are the children, who get a stable environment and material and emotional support from both parents. The point is that a man who violates his marriage vows will be seen as a cad (another anachronism), who is siring progeny without concern for their material well-being, while a woman who violates her vows is seen as bringing in another man's issue, to be cared for by fraud.
In other words, it is economic, but the economics are based on the very real differences between the genders.
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