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  1. #21  
    Administrator SaintLouieWoman's Avatar
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    Whether it's Christian values or just basic beliefs in decency, you're starting a long and sometimes lonely path in business. I was in office equipment sales for over 30 years. I cannot tell you all the partying and drinking I saw. When I went on sales award trips, it was uncomfortable. I never fit in, was taunted for not drinking and smoking. When I started in sales, there were very few women in my industry. So it was tough trying to fit in with a bunch of guys who were telling all the raunchy stories, getting so drunk that sometimes I'd see them literally crawling on the sidewalk on their way to a morning meeting after way too much partying the previous night.

    I decided that I just wouldn't participate. I was friendly, polite, never lectured them on their habits (which weren't the best in my eyes), but figured it was up to them. Many years later I had some of the much younger sales reps tell me how they looked up to me. I always thought that they thought I was Miss Priss. I just wasn't comfortable with their way of life and had to follow my own values.

    Sometimes it's best to not fit in with people with different values. Hold true to yourself. It's tough sometimes. There was a guy when I first started in sales who did all the "bad" (to me) stuff. He got to be president of the company that I left. I used to beat myself up, as I had always out achieved him in sales and had a greater knowledge of the industry. I realized it was because I didn't do the suck up thing with the bosses, didn't participate, etc, but I also understood that I could look my clients in the eye and know that I had been ethical with them. He didn't know the meaning of the word ethics. To me my good name meant a lot, more than a few bucks.

    You can make some accomodations, but decide what road you want and then be steady on your path.
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  2. #22  
    Quote Originally Posted by SaintLouieWoman View Post

    Sometimes it's best to not fit in with people with different values. Hold true to yourself. It's tough sometimes. There was a guy when I first started in sales who did all the "bad" (to me) stuff. He got to be president of the company that I left. I used to beat myself up, as I had always out achieved him in sales and had a greater knowledge of the industry. I realized it was because I didn't do the suck up thing with the bosses, didn't participate, etc, but I also understood that I could look my clients in the eye and know that I had been ethical with them. He didn't know the meaning of the word ethics. To me my good name meant a lot, more than a few bucks.

    You can make some accomodations, but decide what road you want and then be steady on your path.
    That is how i get sometimes. The truth is during promotiontime the boss is likely to promote the guy or gal who hang out with him anddrink and party. But at the end of the day, if i lose my peace and gain a fewmore bucks. What good will that do, long term?

    So i guess just got to keep the faith and walk that path of Godliness.
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  3. #23  
    Senior Member DumbAss Tanker's Avatar
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    I'm kind of like Ody, except older, crustier, and not Jewish. It's easy to confuse faith and humility with pride and sense of superiority, both in one's own mind and in talking to others. The latter of which, unfortunately, is how highly-observant believers very often come across when they express their reasons for refraining from the social activities of their peers.

    Successfully communicating your reservations without sounding like you are being smug is a great challenge diplomatically, and given your age, imperfect results are to be expected. For instance, if you were actually interested in that girl, half of your explanation should have included how much you were interested in her and liked her wit, charm, etc., etc., and only the other half about your own faith-based social limits, but it sounds like it was 95%+ the second of those things.
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  4. #24  
    Senior Member Gina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DumbAss Tanker View Post
    I'm kind of like Ody, except older, crustier, and not Jewish. It's easy to confuse faith and humility with pride and sense of superiority, both in one's own mind and in talking to others. The latter of which, unfortunately, is how highly-observant believers very often come across when they express their reasons for refraining from the social activities of their peers.

    Successfully communicating your reservations without sounding like you are being smug is a great challenge diplomatically, and given your age, imperfect results are to be expected. For instance, if you were actually interested in that girl, half of your explanation should have included how much you were interested in her and liked her wit, charm, etc., etc., and only the other half about your own faith-based social limits, but it sounds like it was 95%+ the second of those things.
    It's certainly true that Christians can come across as holier-than-thou, especially to people who have had bad experiences with a church or a religious person. God knows who he's chosen for each person and when that person comes along you'll know it without a doubt. Use this time, while waiting for that person, to get to know God better and yourself too. That way you have a whole, happy person to offer.

    ps. there's someone older than ody? dang
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  5. #25  
    Senior Member DumbAss Tanker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gina View Post
    ps. there's someone older than ody? dang
    Quite a few of us, really, sorry to say.

    And, at the risk of pissing off all the wimmins on the board, let me just say that if you ever want to get beyond being treated like a gay friend to a girl and she asks you about yourself, she isn't really asking about you, she is asking about how you relate to her. "It's complicated."

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  6. #26  
    Administrator SaintLouieWoman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DumbAss Tanker View Post
    Quite a few of us, really, sorry to say.

    And, at the risk of pissing off all the wimmins on the board, let me just say that if you ever want to get beyond being treated like a gay friend to a girl and she asks you about yourself, she isn't really asking about you, she is asking about how you relate to her. "It's complicated."

    You're very astute. Wisdom indeed comes with age.

    Another tip, guys who come on too strong too quickly make many women run the other way---quickly. The reverse is also true. You're also right that a long rant quoting many bible verses can also have an effect that isn't positive. Just being yourself and not always going along with the drinking can be part of someone's persona, doesn't have to be accompanied with a long explanation.

    I used to have a major account in my territory---a company that produces and markets alcoholic beverages, a major company---where quite a few of the employees don't drink. They never said much, but most likely many of them are reformed drinkers. After many years with a company that gives away a certain amount of the product to employees, some of the drinking was bound to carch up with them.

    Long story short that no extended explanation is needed for anything. I've been downright harrassed by some folks for not drinking. I simply don't enjoy it. I've never had a drinking problem, as have hardly ever had much to drink, but simply don't want to. One woman called me "Ms Priss". Now that ticked me off and I have had very little to do with her since. It's like I used to say at my old job, "Just leave me alone".
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  7. #27  
    eeeevil Sith Admin SarasotaRepub's Avatar
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    Oh for Christ sake have a shot of JD and stop acting like a big pussy.
    May the FORCE be with you!
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  8. #28  
    Quote Originally Posted by SaintLouieWoman View Post
    You're very astute. Wisdom indeed comes with age.

    Another tip, guys who come on too strong too quickly make many women run the other way---quickly. The reverse is also true. You're also right that a long rant quoting many bible verses can also have an effect that isn't positive. Just being yourself and not always going along with the drinking can be part of someone's persona, doesn't have to be accompanied with a long explanation.

    I used to have a major account in my territory---a company that produces and markets alcoholic beverages, a major company---where quite a few of the employees don't drink. They never said much, but most likely many of them are reformed drinkers. After many years with a company that gives away a certain amount of the product to employees, some of the drinking was bound to carch up with them.

    Long story short that no extended explanation is needed for anything. I've been downright harrassed by some folks for not drinking. I simply don't enjoy it. I've never had a drinking problem, as have hardly ever had much to drink, but simply don't want to. One woman called me "Ms Priss". Now that ticked me off and I have had very little to do with her since. It's like I used to say at my old job, "Just leave me alone".
    Yeah, I can understand getting to "quote the bible happy" can be a turn off. The only reason I told that girl was because she asked why I didnít drink. I told her that itís just not my thing and I donít like the taste. Then she said that I should try diff type of drinks because not all taste the same and maybe ill try one that I like. So at that point I told her that i didnít drink because i was a Christian.

    Regarding being viewed as a gay friend. I think a lot of it has to do with the understanding that you will not get much action with a Christian man or woman. So I think Iím pretty much over the girl viewing me as a non sexual being. It was something that just annoyed me for a time. Not every person is looking for a relationship, some are just looking for a good time.
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  9. #29  
    Quote Originally Posted by SarasotaRepub View Post
    Oh for Christ sake have a shot of JD and stop acting like a big pussy.
    IM told by JD drinkers that it taste like crap.
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  10. #30  
    eeeevil Sith Admin SarasotaRepub's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wannaberocker View Post
    IM told by JD drinkers that it taste like crap.

    May the FORCE be with you!
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