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  1. #1 The Onion's TV listings 
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    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Some of the funnier TV shows that aren't.


    The Dunham Group


    11:00 a.m. EDT/10:00 a.m. CDT

    Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham discusses the week's political developments with panelists Peanut, Bubba J, Achmed the Dead Terrorist, and Pat Buchanan.

    $lapping $trangers


    9:00 p.m. EST/8:00 p.m. CST

    Contestants must slap as many unsuspecting passersby as they can for a chance to win $300.

    News Team 9 Adventures


    3:00 p.m. EST/2:00 p.m. CST

    Adam, Sarah, Skip, and the rest of the team at the Boise-area NBC affiliate investigate property tax allocations in this all-new animated series.

    Inadvertent Ice Road Truckers


    9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST

    After taking a wrong turn out of Calgary, trucker Dale Bronson eventually realizes he's hauled his load of Lady Jordache sporting apparel much too far north.

    Nancy Grace's Kidnap Countdown


    9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST

    Nancy recounts her favorite kidnappings from 2011.

    America's Great Interstate Rest Stops


    9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST

    It's just north of Milwaukee on I-94, where the brochures are plentiful and the fountain water is cold.

    Pop Goes the Wiesel


    9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT

    You never know where Nobel Peace Prize winner and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel might show up! This week it's a PartyLite event in a St. Louis suburb and 10-cent wing night at Rhino's Union Pub in West Seneca, NY.

    House Haunters


    10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT

    A pair of newly-deads are looking to haunt their first house in the Dallas area, but must choose between a quaint raised ranch, a modern end-unit condo, and a spacious colonial fixer-upper.

    Ancient Mysteries


    8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT

    Where did Mount Rushmore come from? When was it built? What does it mean? Were aliens involved?

    I Shouldn't Be Alive


    10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT

    David Duke and whoever came up with those fucking electric hand dryers.

    Rick Steves' Asia


    9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT

    In his first foray outside Europe, Rick is taken for all he's got and left for dead on a Manila roadside.

    Chasers Of Storm Chasers


    10:30 p.m. EDT/ 9:30 p.m. CDT

    Still hoping to finally meet their idols, aspiring storm chasers Kyle and Sean follow Reed and Joel, who follow a deadly West Texas tornado.

    Now's Not The Time For Spiders!


    7 p.m. EDT/6 p.m. CDT

    The pranksters of the Spider Squad use their heaving sacks of arachnids to crash a lakeside marriage proposal and surprise a doctor's office where a patient is receiving a terminal diagnosis.

    Conga Line


    8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT

    The conga line gets tense this week when Kate tells Jason who tells Ryan who tells Allison who tells Rob who tells Trisha who tells Adam that she is in love with him.

    Off-Season Christmas Tree Lot


    8 p.m. EST / 7 p.m. CST

    The sales team sits around and tells the occasional passerby that it's not that time of the year yet.

    Joe Biden's Delaware


    10 p.m. EST / 9 p.m. CST

    Tonight: Uncle Joe shows off the place where he gets his ink, his favorite parking lots for doing doughnuts, and the Rehoboth Beach boardwalk where you can always spot some prime-grade tail.



    11:30 a.m. EDT / 10:30 a.m. CST

    The breakout hit letter from Sesame Street finally receives its own spin-off. Nick Nolte and Nine Inch Nails guest star.

    Actual Science


    7:35 p.m. EDT/6:35 p.m. CDT

    This week, the chemical equations governing the interactions of H1-receptor proteins and antihistamines.



    8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT

    Jack nabs a motorist with expired plates outside of Dover, while Chewy continually rides back-and-forth along Delaware's 23 miles of interstate.

    Paranormal Cops


    10:30 p.m. EST/9:30 p.m. CST

    This week the team investigates reports of an underage ghost loitering outside Foremost Liquors and badgering customers to buy her a half pint of Smirnoff.

    Congressional Bloopers


    3 a.m. EST/2 a.m. CST

    On this episode, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) accidentally votes for a bill to legalize machine guns, Orrin Hatch (R-UT) is caught saying he wouldn't mind if his grandchildren had a gay schoolteacher, and a window washer falls through a skylight.

    Parking Garage Surveillance Camera


    12 a.m. EST/11 p.m. CST

    A tight advertising market has caused the Discovery Channel to lay off its overnight security guards, so if you spot anything suspicious happening in tonight's live feed from the network's parking garages, please call the number at the bottom of your screen.

    How It's Broken


    7 p.m. EDT/6 p.m. CDT

    Tonight: A detailed look at the paper jam.

    The NFL On Fox Pre-Pre-Pre-Pre-Pregame Show


    12 p.m. EDT/11 a.m. CDT

    Terry Bradshaw and Howie Long discuss the factors that may influence the elements that could affect the aspects that have a chance of impacting the details that will possibly shape the outcome of the game.

    Bravo Coming Out Party


    4 p.m. EDT/3 p.m. CDT

    Four years after it would've surprised anyone, Bravo comes out as a gay network, winning hugs and cheers from Lifetime and Oxygen, and prompting Spike TV to move two channels away.

    American Masters


    9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT

    More Bob Dylan.

    I-70 Truckers


    9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT

    Tonight: Jeremy tracks retread debris across western Ohio, Clint catches some quick shut-eye on the shoulder of a Flagler, CO off-ramp, and Big Frank blasts his horn in exchange for a flash from two coeds in the back of a Jeep Wrangler.

    The Real Housewives Of Mogadishu


    10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT

    Aasha is enraged when she finds out she's not on the guest list for Ugah's female circumcision.

    I'd Hit That


    9 p.m. EDT/8 p.m. CDT

    From their bench in front of the Westfield Mall food court, 15-year-olds Mark Obst and Ted Baron judge whether or not they would do each and every female passing through their line of vision.

    Archer Daniels Midland


    8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT

    Thirty more minutes of corn being shot into a huge silo.

    Fat Ghosts


    8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. CDT

    This show follows paranormal detectives as they track down apparitions that, to be quite honest, could stand to lose a few.

    Ice Road Hookers

    10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST
    This weekly reality program chronicles the vicious competition and daring exploits of the rugged prostitutes who service the region's famed truckers.

    Affirmative Action!


    9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST

    Two under-qualified cops crash through some fruit carts.

    Paris Hilton's My New BFF


    10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT

    Four girls are eliminated when they can't explain the military buildup that led to Indonesia's occupation of East Timor.
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  2. #2  
    LTC Member Odysseus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    FT Belvoir, VA
    Sic Hacer Pace, Para Bellum.

    Before you can do things for people, you must be the kind of man who can get things done. But to get things done, you must love the doing, not the people!
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  3. #3  
    Senior Member LukeEDay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Happy Valley

    I love my God, my country, my flag, and my troops ....
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