I planted some bird seed.
A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed it

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I had amnesia once---or twice

********************

I went to San Francisco .
I found someone's heart. Now what?

********************

Protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic.

********************

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy

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If the world were a logical place,
Men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

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What is a "free" gift?
Aren't all gifts free?

********************

They told me I was gullible
And I believed them.

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Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up,
He'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

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Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

********************

One nice thing about egotists, they don't talk about other people.

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My weight is perfect for my height--
Which varies.

********************

I used to be indecisive.
Now I'm not sure.

********************

How can there be self-help "groups"?

********************

If swimming is so good for your figure,
How do you explain whales?

********************

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
And I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

********************

Is it me --or
Do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN,
YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE,
SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS




I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, keep me here.


When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. Thomas Jefferson