Thread: Punography?

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  1. #1 Punography? 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Yeah, there are some dupes from earlier but..... laugh anyway.


    I changed my i Pod name to Titanic, It's syncing now.

    I tried to catch some Fog, I mist.

    When chemists die, they barium.

    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

    A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

    How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, I can't put it down.

    I did a theatrical performance about puns, It was a play on words ..

    They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

    Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

    Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory, I hope there's no pop quiz.

    The Energizer bunny arrested and Charged with battery.

    I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

    How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

    Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

    What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

    Broken pencils are pointless.

    What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool ..

    I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

    All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

    Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

    Velcro - what a rip off!

    Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

    Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

    Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

    I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
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  2. #2  
    Senior Member Zeus's Avatar
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    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    Did you hear about the nuclear scientist who swallowed some uranium ? He got atomic ache .


    The 21st century. The age of Smart phones and Stupid people.

    It is said that branches draw their life from the vine. Each is separate yet all are one as they share one life giving stem . The Bible tells us we are called to a similar union in life, our lives with the life of God. We are incorporated into him; made sharers in his life. Apart from this union we can do nothing.
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  3. #3  
    Senior Member ReinMan's Avatar
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    What's the difference between "Iron Man", and "Iron Woman"?

    ...

    ...

    One is a super hero, the other is a command.

    ...

    ...

    (I'm so getting slapped for that one!)
    We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge or gallantry would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution is designed only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for any other.
    In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.

    ~John Adams
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  4. #4  
    CU Royalty JB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReinMan View Post
    What's the difference between "Iron Man", and "Iron Woman"?

    One is a super hero, the other is a command.
    That was worth the thread click.
    Be Not Afraid.
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  5. #5  
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JB View Post
    That was worth the thread click.
    I bet Linda numbers knew that one instinctively.
    The difference between pigs and people is that when they tell you you're cured it isn't a good thing.
    http://i.imgur.com/FHvkMSE.jpg
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  6. #6  
    Senior Member Zeus's Avatar
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    I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words

    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx

    When you get a bladder infection urine trouble

    The 21st century. The age of Smart phones and Stupid people.

    It is said that branches draw their life from the vine. Each is separate yet all are one as they share one life giving stem . The Bible tells us we are called to a similar union in life, our lives with the life of God. We are incorporated into him; made sharers in his life. Apart from this union we can do nothing.
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  7. #7  
    Senior Member Zathras's Avatar
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    Two men walk into a bar...the third one ducked.
    Solve a man's problem with violence and help him for a day. Teach a man how to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime - Belkar Bitterleaf
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