Obama vows to give every American the chance to pay more taxes ...

Fallon: The president will push for a path to citizenship for 11 million illegal immigrants in the U.S. Obama says it’s all part of his plan to give every man, woman and child the chance to pay more taxes.

Leno: Lindsay Lohan avoided jail again. The judge said if she gets in trouble 100 more times, she will have to spend two days in jail.

Conan: Tiger Woods may re-marry his ex-wife, possibly with a special no-cheating clause. This special clause would be known as a “wedding vow.”

Conan: Facebook’s new search engine helps singles meet. But actually Facebook isn't for finding new partners. It’s for stalking old ones.

Leno: Michelle Obama turned 49 the other day. Said she didn't want an extravagant gift from Barack. Oh, dont worry. He's very careful with his own money.

Fallon: Both parties in Washington are writing a new bill to reduce mammogram and prostate exam costs. But don’t worry, they’ll still be free at the airport.

Leno: The Golden Globes went to Daniel Day-Lewis for 'Lincoln' and Julianne Moore for 'Sarah Palin.' Golden Globe judges realized that the greatest test for any Hollywood actor is pretending to be a Republican.

Letterman: The Golden Globe Awards, the one night of the year when Hollywood takes a break from congratulating itself and lets foreigners congratulate them.

Fallon: A new survey found that 35% of Americans use the Internet to diagnose themselves instead of going to a doctor. While the rest go to the doctor and let him search for an Internet diagnosis.

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These guys do seem to have a few good ones sometimes.