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  1. #1 HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

    George Phillips, an elderly man, from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to
    go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

    He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

    He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

    Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"

    George said, "Okay."

    He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

    "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both." and he hung up.

    Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

    One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

    George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

    Don't mess with old people.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #2  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Personal observation:
    We had a major storm back some years ago and my neighbor across the street had a large limb laying across his home electric line.

    He called in and requested some aid in removing it.

    The operator asked if it were broke and hot?

    He replied "Not yet but give me a minute"

    "we'll be right out"
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  3. #3  
    Drive-by Poster ABC's Avatar
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    How to call police when you're old?

    (1) Dial 911
    (2) Take gun out of bedside table
    (3) Insert magazine
    (4) Rack the slide (which inserts round into chamber)

    And ...
    PROUD DEPLORABLE

    American By Choice ~ 1980
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  4. #4  
    eeeevil Sith Admin SarasotaRepub's Avatar
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    Good ones!!!!
    May the FORCE be with you!
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  5. #5  
    Drive-by Poster ABC's Avatar
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    Hey ...

    Being retired doesn't equate to being stupid.

    Woe to the younger folks who venture into our particular neighborhood with other than the best of intentions, let me tell you! :evil-grin:
    PROUD DEPLORABLE

    American By Choice ~ 1980
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