SCOTTISH WEDDING
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled...
"Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
The bartender was almost crushed to death.

SEX
Condoms donít guarantee safe sex anymore
... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the womanís husband.

New Book
A man goes into Borders and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." "That's the one; I'll take a copyÖ"

Poor Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frigín bike.

Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didnít take my TV, just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes the channels.
Sick Bastard!!

SCAM
Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favourite 18 Holes" .
Turns out it's about golf.
Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.
Best Regards,
Charlie Sheen

Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"
"For gosh sakes ,if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"