Thread: Short Jokes

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  1. #1 Short Jokes 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
    When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

    Two peanuts were walking down the street and one of them was 'a-salted.'

    I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone.
    I said, "The whole time."

    Jane couldn't find anyone to sing with, ...so she went out and bought a duet yourself kit.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
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  2. #2  
    LTC Member Odysseus's Avatar
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    As the Dalai Lama said to the hot dog vendor, "Make me one with everything."
    --Odysseus
    Sic Hacer Pace, Para Bellum.

    Before you can do things for people, you must be the kind of man who can get things done. But to get things done, you must love the doing, not the people!
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  3. #3  
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
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    Q: Why do midgets always laugh when playing soccer? A: The grass tickles their balls!
    The difference between pigs and people is that when they tell you you're cured it isn't a good thing.
    http://i.imgur.com/FHvkMSE.jpg
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  4. #4  
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
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    Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice
    The difference between pigs and people is that when they tell you you're cured it isn't a good thing.
    http://i.imgur.com/FHvkMSE.jpg
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  5. #5  
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
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    I rear ended a midget with my car today. He got out and said "I am not happy"; Then I said, well than which dwarf are you?
    The difference between pigs and people is that when they tell you you're cured it isn't a good thing.
    http://i.imgur.com/FHvkMSE.jpg
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  6. #6  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.

    Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

    Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

    I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

    Never answer an anonymous letter.

    It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.

    I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

    Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

    Few women admit their age; few men act it.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
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  7. #7  
    PORCUS MAXIMUS Rockntractor's Avatar
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    Microwave: (noun) A hand gesture used by a midget to say hello.
    The difference between pigs and people is that when they tell you you're cured it isn't a good thing.
    http://i.imgur.com/FHvkMSE.jpg
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  8. #8  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Waddiyado - get a pygmy goat?
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  9. #9  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  10. #10  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Fat people are harder to kidnap.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
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