* When giving directions in Florida, you should always start with the words, "take I-75, take
I-4 or take I-95..."
* If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the
hours of 6 AM - 10 AM and 4 PM - 7 PM. This is considered to be rush hour and you're
not in any rush. No Exceptions....
* Freeways can only go north and south...not east and west.
* Tolls are a fact of life down here; the state has to make money, so deal
* I-275 ( Tampa area) will always be under construction...that's the law and
there is nothing anyone can do about it, period!
* 'A1A' and 'ALT A1A' is the same road. * Traffic lights are not timed and never will be.
* We measure the distance we travel in time - not miles.
* If you travel more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part of Florida
without seeing an orange 'Bob's Barricade', you're lost!
* If you miss your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, it's perfectly acceptable to back
* Every street in Florida has both a name and a number (i.e. Adamo = Rt.
60) just for the hell of it and also for the pleasure we get from reaction of
visitors when we give them directions.
* Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection,
eight more go through on yellow, and 4 more on red.
* Know the difference between SunPass, Sun Fest, Sun-Sentinel and Sun
* Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual.* Your blinker means nothing.
* English is our first and second language.
* It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your generator.
* We have alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you. Don't be stupid
and try to feed or pet one.
* When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have
advanced warning and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true
Floridian unless you wait until the absolute last minute to go to Home
Depot to pick up plywood or to Publix to stock up water, ice, beer, and
* You know how to spell Okeechobee. There is an Okeechobee Lake ,
Town, County, Blvd, Street and Avenue.
* A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with someone who already owns one.
That way you don't have to deal with any of the headaches.
* You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that everyone else has
* There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost
every corner - with more being built every day.
* When picking up a woman on South Beach , always check for an Adams apple.
* It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.
* There is a city called 'The Villages' where 77,000 old people live that drive
golf carts and dance in the streets.
* Jupiter is a city, not a planet.
* Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays--not weeknights or
weekends-- that's for the working folks.
* There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, Flipper, and also a football
* You can't say; 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think that way, then go
back up north. Just remember, I-95 and I-75 run both ways.
* No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be able to
figure out your property taxes.
* Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside. But inside any
restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.
* There are three things you need to survive a Florida winter: long sleeved
T-shirt, sunscreen and the ability to mock all those extremely pale visitors
with the bright pink 'Florida Tans'.
* The same neighbor who smiles at you every day will be the first one to rat
you out if you are violating water restrictions.