* When giving directions in Florida, you should always start with the words, "take I-75, take
I-4 or take I-95..."

* If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the
hours of 6 AM - 10 AM and 4 PM - 7 PM. This is considered to be rush hour and you're
not in any rush. No Exceptions....

* Freeways can only go north and south...not east and west.

* Tolls are a fact of life down here; the state has to make money, so deal
with it!

* I-275 ( Tampa area) will always be under construction...that's the law and
there is nothing anyone can do about it, period!

* 'A1A' and 'ALT A1A' is the same road. * Traffic lights are not timed and never will be.

* We measure the distance we travel in time - not miles.

* If you travel more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part of Florida
without seeing an orange 'Bob's Barricade', you're lost!

* If you miss your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, it's perfectly acceptable to back
up.

* Every street in Florida has both a name and a number (i.e. Adamo = Rt.
60) just for the hell of it and also for the pleasure we get from reaction of
visitors when we give them directions.

* Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection,
eight more go through on yellow, and 4 more on red.

* Know the difference between SunPass, Sun Fest, Sun-Sentinel and Sun
Trust.

* Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual.* Your blinker means nothing.

* English is our first and second language.

* It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your generator.

* We have alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you. Don't be stupid
and try to feed or pet one.

* When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have
advanced warning and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true
Floridian unless you wait until the absolute last minute to go to Home
Depot to pick up plywood or to Publix to stock up water, ice, beer, and
potato chips.

* You know how to spell Okeechobee. There is an Okeechobee Lake ,
Town, County, Blvd, Street and Avenue.

* A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with someone who already owns one.
That way you don't have to deal with any of the headaches.

* You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that everyone else has
moved here.

* There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost
every corner - with more being built every day.

* When picking up a woman on South Beach , always check for an Adams apple.

* It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.

* There is a city called 'The Villages' where 77,000 old people live that drive
golf carts and dance in the streets.

* Jupiter is a city, not a planet.

* Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays--not weeknights or
weekends-- that's for the working folks.

* There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, Flipper, and also a football
team.

* You can't say; 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think that way, then go
back up north. Just remember, I-95 and I-75 run both ways.

* No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be able to
figure out your property taxes.

* Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside. But inside any
restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.

* There are three things you need to survive a Florida winter: long sleeved
T-shirt, sunscreen and the ability to mock all those extremely pale visitors
with the bright pink 'Florida Tans'.

* The same neighbor who smiles at you every day will be the first one to rat
you out if you are violating water restrictions.