Thread: Dilbertisms

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  1. #1 Dilbertisms 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation in Redmond, Washington.)

    2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

    3 How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS development team)

    4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

    5. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

    6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

    7. My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)

    8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

    9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

    10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Lond Lines Division) Patty O'Furniture
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
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  2. #2  
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retread View Post

    2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)
    Is that the known knowns, the known unknowns, the unknown knowns, or the unknown unknowns?
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  3. #3  
    CU Royalty JB's Avatar
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    8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say."
    As the boss, I'm OK with that one.
    Be Not Afraid.
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  4. #4  
    Senior Member MstrBlue's Avatar
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    Sorry, it has been so long since I quoted another post, I do not remember how to put the quote in the little box...


    "5. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)"


    When I read this one, I was reminded of another 'clever' ranting....
    "We have to PASS the Bill, to know what is in it!"



    BB
    Social Order at the expense of Liberty is hardly a bargain - Marquis de Sade
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  5. #5  
    Drive-by Poster ABC in Georgia's Avatar
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    Another good one, Retread!!!

    Elspeth ... I liked #2 as well.

    2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)
    This fool needs to have an employee or two with the following sign on their desks ...

    We the unwilling, led by the unqualified,
    Have been doing the Unbelievable for so long with so little,
    We now attempt the Impossible with nothing.
    ~ ABC
    Last edited by ABC in Georgia; 11-20-2013 at 01:36 PM. Reason: Excess words used ... Need sleep!
    American By Choice ~ 1980
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  6. #6  
    CU Royalty JB's Avatar
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    Be Not Afraid.
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