Jan. 17, 2014 9:00am


Once upon a time there lived a politician who salivated when thinking of the power, money, and adoration that would come his way when he became the most powerful person on the planet as president of his country. Unfortunately, he didn’t quite win election, and so, shifted his focus from global leadership to global warming. He reinvented himself as Father GreenJeans and launched a cause as guardian of all things green, including Christmas trees, pond scum, and Kermit.
Illustration courtesy of author.
Because every “progressive” cause required a designated culprit, Father GreenJeans decided to blame global warming on carbon dioxide emissions created by fossil fuel emissions. To promote his ideology, he flew hither and yon in his private, carbon-spewing jetliner, ranting and raving against oil robber barons who were killing the planet and melting polar caps with their poisonous product . . . crude oil.
Father GreenJeans published and sold millions of copies of his book of inconvenient half-truths, built a carbon-gobbling mansion, and became the favorite child of the tree huggers in tinsel town. They assisted in the creation of a documentary horror story that scared the c-c-carbon out of viewers. Father GreenJeans became a global sensation for his heroic efforts to save the planet, and was awarded an Oscar, the Nobel Peace Prize, and a divorce (in that order).
To boost membership in his ministry in The Church of Climate-ology (and to sell more books, DVDs, bumper stickers, and t-shirts), Father GreenJeans launched a cable TV network that attracted almost no viewers. When he decided to dump his failed show biz investment, guess who showed up with 30 pieces of silver? His former enemies, the “fossil fuel merchants of death,” who owned Al Qaeda’s favorite propaganda network, Al Jazerra TV. Their programs featured hate-filled diatribes that championed extermination of Jews, homosexuals, the country of Israel, and all n
on-Muslim infidels.