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  1. #11  
    Senior Member DumbAss Tanker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NJCardFan View Post
    Did it ever occur to you that she is making shit up to build her case?
    The majority of the allegations struck me as most likely being of that sort...about 10% based in fact, embellished with 90% creative license.
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  2. #12  
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    Quote Originally Posted by DumbAss Tanker View Post
    The majority of the allegations struck me as most likely being of that sort...about 10% based in fact, embellished with 90% creative license.
    A lot depends on the family situation at home. As I have written here, I have seen family situations in which one parent takes an opposite sex child as a "partner" or "pal", leaving the other parent in the cold. It wreaks havoc in the home.

    We really don't know yet. We'll have to wait for more details.
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  3. #13  
    Power CUer noonwitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elspeth View Post
    Some things to think about:

    1. If a mother is haranguing her daughter about weight to the point where the daughter develops an eating disorder, that IS abuse.

    2. If a father uses his authority to get an underage daughter to binge drink to blackouts with him, that IS ALSO abuse.

    3. If the father is a cop and contributing to the delinquency of a minor, he should be suspended from his job in law enforcement.

    4. If the father is inappropriately close with the daughter--even if it's not physical--and the mother is jealous of this, the abuse in #1 is easily explained.

    5. If the father is inappropriately close with the daughter and she gets a boyfriend, the father pulling rank and coming down with new rules and curfews is easily explained.

    This is a sick family system. The girl is well out of it. Sometimes abuse is more subtle than is obvious to the outside. CPS can miss stuff like this.

    As to whether the parents owe her a college fund and expenses, that is a legal question and the answer to that is "no."


    I'm not so sure that I believe the young lady's accusations.
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  4. #14  
    Power CUer NJCardFan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lanie View Post
    But the question is whether she can prove it. If she can prove it, then she has the right to press charges. I wouldn't think she would have the right to living there or their tuition assistance.
    Bingo. If these accusations are true then why just a civil suit? These actions are borderline criminal especially giving her alcohol.
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  5. #15  
    Power CUer noonwitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NJCardFan View Post
    Bingo. If these accusations are true then why just a civil suit? These actions are borderline criminal especially giving her alcohol.


    If there is a history of abuse or neglect by the parents:

    1. Why didn't she call it in to CPS prior to her 18th birthday, when they could intervene? Was it easier to put up with her parents than to go into foster care? 17 year old honor students don't get put in institutions or even foster homes-they might be in a shelter for a couple of weeks, and a group home (with more freedom than you might think) for a few months, then we set them up in an apartment of their own. We don't pay for Catholic School, however, we do pick up college expenses that Pell Grants don't cover.
    2. If she was treated for bulemia, and the therapist/doctor thought that the mother had a role in the disorder, why did they not call it in to CPS? They are mandated by law to report all suspected child abuse or neglect.


    All we have is her word and the word of the people she's staying with, one of whom conveniently is the lawyer representing her in the lawsuit against her parents.

    When my sister was an 18 year old senior in high school, she dated a boy who was physicallly abusive to her. My brother and I were at college and my parents were distracted by their rapidly disintegrating marriage. My mother didn't know what to do, because my sister was a legal adult.
    I don't know if the boyfriend is abusive in this case, but I was amazed that my mother let the boy in her home, that she owned. I told her to tell the boy he was not welcome in her house and file trespassing charges the first time she caught him there after making her statement. She said "Then your sister will run away and I won't know where she is". I advised her further "Then let her go, at least you won't be a party to the abuse".

    Unless some proof is given of the girls' accusations, I'm believing the parents. When you have a rebellious 18 year old high school senior living at home, you are in a bind. You want the kid to finish school, but you want her to follow some rules. I was never in that situation, being an October child and all, but both my siblings were, being January children. I give kudos to these parents for calling their daughter's bluff and letting her leave, instead of falling for emotional blackmail.
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  6. #16  
    I'm hyper. Lanie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rockntractor View Post
    That is sometimes true but then again I have seen it work the opposite.
    That's true. I'm trying to keep an open mind either way. I keep thinking if your parents are that bad, then don't create a situation where you would have to owe them anything (such as wanting tuition). At the same time, I understand what it's like to think you can't do without something such as school. I know a lot of kids have a very entitled attitude lately. Like I said, I try to keep an open mind either way. The so called child protective system if a really strange animal. I sometimes wonder if they don't just go after people they don't like and favor people they do like. It's a total joke. Kids who need help can't get it, but others can create one heck of a bad situation because they don't like their parents or want to control them.
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  7. #17  
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    Quote Originally Posted by noonwitch View Post
    If there is a history of abuse or neglect by the parents:

    1. Why didn't she call it in to CPS prior to her 18th birthday, when they could intervene? Was it easier to put up with her parents than to go into foster care? 17 year old honor students don't get put in institutions or even foster homes-they might be in a shelter for a couple of weeks, and a group home (with more freedom than you might think) for a few months, then we set them up in an apartment of their own. We don't pay for Catholic School, however, we do pick up college expenses that Pell Grants don't cover.
    It's a rare kid that calls CPS, in my experience. Most kids will put up with all kinds of abuse rather than be homeless or put into foster care. (And if you don't think kids understand the potential for sexual abuse in foster care, you're living in a dream world.) One young teen I knew had a drug addict father and a mother with an IQ of about 54 who was being given a range of psychotropics by the different clinics she dealt with. The child grew up abused and neglected but not once did she call CPS. It was a neighbor who ended up getting CPS involved, and, even then, they did nothing. In the end, it took until the father died of an overdose and the mother became completely unhinged for CPS to finally act on the neighbor's many reports.

    So, I don't judge any kid by whether or not she called CPS. Most don't. Significantly, it was the school that called CPS after Canning broke down and told them what was happening at home. Could she have been lying? Sure. But what would have been the point?

    2. If she was treated for bulemia, and the therapist/doctor thought that the mother had a role in the disorder, why did they not call it in to CPS? They are mandated by law to report all suspected child abuse or neglect.
    CPS deals with bulimia? Who knew? Seriously, noonie, most people live their entire lives, abused or not, without ever calling CPS. And eating disorders are often control issues, especially representing control battles with parents. Canning did get treatment and she went for counseling, which the parents (or their insurance) paid for. Under those circumstances, who calls CPS?


    All we have is her word and the word of the people she's staying with, one of whom conveniently is the lawyer representing her in the lawsuit against her parents.
    True. That's why I am keeping an open mind. There's not enough evidence to make a decision either way.
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