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  1. #1 US Retirement Destinations Guide‏ 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Dec 2011
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    I came to Texas as soon as I could
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    Retire to Phoenix , Arizona where...



    1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

    2. You've experienced condensation on your bottom from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

    3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

    4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

    5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

    6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!



    OR



    You can retire to California where...



    1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

    2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

    3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

    4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

    5. When someone asks how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

    6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.



    OR



    You can retire to New York City where...



    1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ....

    2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

    3. You think Central Park is "nature."

    4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

    5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).

    6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.



    OR



    You can retire to Minnesota where...



    1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco ...

    2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

    3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.

    4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

    5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.



    OR



    You can retire to the Deep South where....



    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

    2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

    3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.

    4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc etc.

    5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder. "It's important to know the difference, too.



    OR



    You can retire to Colorado where....



    1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

    2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.

    3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

    4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.



    OR



    You can retire to the Midwest where...



    1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

    2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

    3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

    4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

    5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"



    OR



    FINALLY
    You can retire to Florida where...



    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

    2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

    3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist..

    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

    5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
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  2. #2  
    Senior Member Apache's Avatar
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    As A Native of the fair State of Arizona....


    ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Weather happens from mid July to early September.... just sayin'...
    Government is not the solution to our problem, government is the problem.
    Ronald Reagan

    We could say they are spending like drunken sailors. That would be unfair to drunken sailors, they're spending their OWN money.
    Ronald Reagan

    R.I.P. Crockspot
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  3. #3  
    Administrator SaintLouieWoman's Avatar
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    Sep 2002
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    Sarasota Florida
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    They've nailed it with Florida. Gasp, we're even going for those early birds, the busiest time at the restaurants. And we have our coupons always ready---there are LOTS of coupons down here, necessary with the Obama economy. Also dead on with the dermatologist thing--they're everywhere, with good reason.
    http://http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r231/SarasotaRepub/83069bcc.png

    " To the world you are just one more person, but to a rescued pet, you are the world."

    "
    A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves!"


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  4. #4  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apache View Post
    As A Native of the fair State of Arizona....


    ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Weather happens from mid July to early September.... just sayin'...
    Got any good mexican food recipes?

    Family in Globe all of my life - love it our there -but they got no oil.......
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be.
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  5. #5  
    Power CUer
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    May 2008
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    Northern Virginia
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    So far we're considering a few places in VA and NC. I don't see us suddenly trying a completely different part of the country, like the southwest or northwest.
    "Today, [the American voter] chooses his rulers as he buys bootleg whiskey, never knowing precisely what he is getting, only certain that it is not what it pretends to be." - H.L. Mencken
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