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  1. #1 Punny 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    ∑ How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it

    ∑ Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

    ∑ A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

    ∑ I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

    ∑ Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

    ∑ England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

    ∑ I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

    ∑ They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

    ∑ I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's synching now.

    ∑ Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

    ∑ I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

    ∑ I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

    ∑ This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

    ∑ When chemists die, apparently they barium.

    ∑ I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

    ∑ I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

    ∑ I didn't like my beard at first. But it grew on me.


    ∑ Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

    ∑ When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

    ∑ Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

    ∑ What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    ∑ I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

    ∑ I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

    ∑ Velcro ? ... what a rip off !
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #2  
    Moderator RobJohnson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retread View Post
    ∑ How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it

    ∑ Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

    ∑ A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

    ∑ I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

    ∑ Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

    ∑ England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

    ∑ I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

    ∑ They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

    ∑ I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's synching now.

    ∑ Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

    ∑ I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

    ∑ I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

    ∑ This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

    ∑ When chemists die, apparently they barium.

    ∑ I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

    ∑ I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

    ∑ I didn't like my beard at first. But it grew on me.


    ∑ Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

    ∑ When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

    ∑ Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

    ∑ What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    ∑ I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

    ∑ I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

    ∑ Velcro ? ... what a rip off !

    Funny stuff!
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  3. #3  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    The road to ADHD is paved with bad attentions.

    My wife left me because she said I'm addicted to oxymorons. She was pretty ugly anyway.

    If I were a superhero, I'd want to be Aluminum Man. My superpower would be foiling crime.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  4. #4  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I know its cheesy but I feel grate.

    I love the way the world rotates. It makes my day.

    The first time riding an elevator was an uplifting experience.

    The second time I rode an elevator, it let me down.

    How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  5. #5  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    An article in the cat fanciersí magazine featured the Manx cat.

    It was missing detail.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  6. #6  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    In case you were wondering if any of the seven dwarfs were nominated for acting...

    No, they never even made the short list.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  7. #7  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I wonder if people who climb the world's highest mountain ever rest?
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  8. #8  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    A demolition company tore down our local pub in record time. They really razed the bar.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  9. #9  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    A farmer played his Wurlitzer in his vegetable field. That way, they could be labeled as organic.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  10. #10  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I got angry when my cell phone battery died. My therapist suggested I find an outlet.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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