Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12
  1. #1 You Should 'Seriously Think Twice' Before Marrying Someone With Parents Like This 
    I'm hyper. Lanie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    4,794
    "If you know you're getting into a situation where you're going to marry a person and there's already in-law issues, seriously think twice before taking that step and make sure you seek out some sort of marriage and family therapist or counselor or somebody who can give you professional guidance."

    Letting the problem fester may lead to you and you alone taking the blame for the uneasy parent-in-law relationship, Fulbright warns.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...usaolp00000592

    That's hard advice to take because parents often don't get along with the spouses of their kids. However, I have another reason to add to that. The spouse might eventually agree with the parent. I have a friend who says he doesn't want to tell women he doesn't want to date them because his mom doesn't like them, but she usually turns out to be right. Now, I'll agree that one of the girls was totally loopy, but I find myself agreeing with the second girl in question on a number of issues. The truth is his mother doesn't like any woman he hangs out with except for me. Therefore, he tries to push me into giving him a chance. He just doesn't realize if I couldn't develop feelings in so many years, it's not going to happen. Perhaps if I could get his mother to see me the way some people on here do. lol. Problem is that he probably would too.

    Sorry if that were too many personal thoughts there. But yeah, I do agree the mommy/daddy issue can be bigger than one thinks.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  2. #2  
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Silicon Valley
    Posts
    867
    Mrs. SVPete and I recently had to consider this from the POV of potential in-laws. Of the three parents-in-law in our marriage (one of our parents had died >10 years before we met), one was quite difficult, literally posing a, "Me or your spouse," choice. Mrs. SVPete and I are still married, and that parent-in-law is now deceased.

    Anyway ... Mrs. SVPete and I made a very conscious decision not to be difficult parents-in-law; we aren't complaining that our new family member is a delightful person!
    SVPete

    Envy is Greed's bigger, more evil, twin.

    Those who can, do.
    Those who know, teach.
    Ignorant incapables, regulate.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  3. #3  
    Sin City Moderator RobJohnson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    17,166
    Quote Originally Posted by Lanie View Post
    The truth is his mother doesn't like any woman he hangs out with except for me.



    Did you two set a date yet?
    Reply With Quote  
     

  4. #4  
    Administrator SaintLouieWoman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Sarasota Florida
    Posts
    40,610
    I made the decision to stay out of my sons' lives years ago and try to be the MIL that I would like to have, hoping it's working. Mothers of sons can become terribly protective and possessive. I've been on the suffering end of that issue, so probably try too hard to not be guilty of that.

    Lanie, if you have a potential MIL pulling for you, that's a real bonus.

    We have friends here who really went through hell with his mom, who did the spouse or me thing. She told me that he chose her, which was a wise choice. She's a heck of a friend and he's a lucky man, made the right decision, although it cost him his inheritance. Sounds like the mom was a real witch.
    http://http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r231/SarasotaRepub/83069bcc.png

    " To the world you are just one more person, but to a rescued pet, you are the world."

    "
    A Nation of Sheep Breeds a Government of Wolves!"

    GO CARDS

    Reply With Quote  
     

  5. #5  
    I'm hyper. Lanie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    4,794
    Quote Originally Posted by SaintLouieWoman View Post

    Lanie, if you have a potential MIL pulling for you, that's a real bonus.
    Maybe, but my gut instincts keep screaming no. I'll feel trapped. In my mind, I can't develop those feelings for him, there are things about him I find disturbing, and the truth is I'll flat out feel trapped. People don't understand why I feel that way. They think I should jump at the chance because of how old I am. Besides, I'm not a good plug just because I happen to be able to fit the socket.

    One time, his mom was in the hospital. She told her son she wanted some donuts. I expressed concern about giving her that when she's diabetic and he got mad at me.

    Okay, I need to stop before this ends up in whiny zone.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  6. #6  
    Sin City Moderator RobJohnson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    17,166
    Quote Originally Posted by SaintLouieWoman View Post
    We have friends here who really went through hell with his mom, who did the spouse or me thing. She told me that he chose her, which was a wise choice. She's a heck of a friend and he's a lucky man, made the right decision, although it cost him his inheritance. Sounds like the mom was a real witch.
    Wow. She does sound like a witch.

    I would rather end up with the right person rather then have money and be stuck in a bad relationship. Sounds like the guy made the right decision.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  7. #7  
    Sin City Moderator RobJohnson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    17,166
    Quote Originally Posted by Lanie View Post
    Maybe, but my gut instincts keep screaming no. I'll feel trapped. In my mind, I can't develop those feelings for him, there are things about him I find disturbing, and the truth is I'll flat out feel trapped. People don't understand why I feel that way. They think I should jump at the chance because of how old I am. Besides, I'm not a good plug just because I happen to be able to fit the socket.

    One time, his mom was in the hospital. She told her son she wanted some donuts. I expressed concern about giving her that when she's diabetic and he got mad at me.

    Okay, I need to stop before this ends up in whiny zone.
    There is either a spark or not a spark. If you have known him for a while and only consider him to be a friend, trying to force yourself, or allowing him to force you to turn it into something more then that (ie: romance) then that sends up plenty of red flags right there.

    I've found the harder someone pushes, the harder I push away at times, that is not just when it comes to relationships, but life in general.

    If people do not understand why you feel that way, then so be it, it's your choice, not theirs to make for you, sounds like even more pressure. No wonder you feel so trapped, you are getting hit from all directions.

    Some guys simply can't have female friends without expecting more. I'm not sure why. They can't accept it.

    I think you answered your own question here:

    He just doesn't realize if I couldn't develop feelings in so many years, it's not going to happen
    Reply With Quote  
     

  8. #8  
    Power CUer noonwitch's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Warren, MI
    Posts
    12,695
    That's why I'm waiting to find Mr. Right and settle down. If I wait long enough, I won't have to worry about having a mother in law.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  9. #9  
    Senior Member Dori's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Blue State Hell
    Posts
    859
    Lanie, I agree with RJ. I think you've already answered your own question.

    I'm a big believer in pre-marital counseling and seminars. If you aren't on the same page after six months of that, you probably aren't right for each other.
    Obama isn't the problem. The problem is an electorate that would vote a man like him into office.
    Reply With Quote  
     

  10. #10  
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    617
    Quote Originally Posted by SaintLouieWoman View Post
    We have friends here who really went through hell with his mom, who did the spouse or me thing. She told me that he chose her, which was a wise choice. She's a heck of a friend and he's a lucky man, made the right decision, although it cost him his inheritance. Sounds like the mom was a real witch.
    That was my MIL. I spent every Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter/Forth and other holidays with them except for 2 in 16 years with the in laws. My X-wife was scared to death of upsetting her mother.

    Funny thing, before I married the "X", her mother thought I was the greatest fellow that ever was and father law disliked me intensely. After the first year of marriage things had turned 180 degrees. FIL still thought I was a good fellow and he and I stayed on excellent terms for years even after the "X" and I divorced.
    Reply With Quote  
     

Bookmarks
Bookmarks
Posting Permissions
  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •