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  1. #1 Even if they are repeats..... 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    I came to Texas as soon as I could
    They are still punny.

    The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

    She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

    A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

    I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

    The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran..

    A backward poet writes inverse.

    In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

    A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

    Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #2  
    Senior Member Zathras's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    San Jose, California
    Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
    Solve a man's problem with violence and help him for a day. Teach a man how to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime - Belkar Bitterleaf

    Liberalism is what the stupid think is smart.
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