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  1. #91  
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    Daisy Says To Dolly.

    Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.

    Daisy says to Dolly, I was artificially inseminated this morning.

    I dont believe you, says Dolly.

    Its true; no bull! exclaims Daisy
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #92  
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    Teacher Teacher Don't Be Fooled

    Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.

    Little Jimmy stood up.

    Mrs. White said, "Jimmy, do you really think you're stupid?".

    "No," Jimmy said. "But I didn't want you standing up there alone."
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  3. #93  
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    Dentist Office.

    A young man walked into a dentist's office and said, " Can you help me? I think I'm a moth."

    The dentist said, "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

    "Yes, I know," the man said.

    The dentist asked, "So then why did you come in here?"

    The man replied, "The light was on."
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  4. #94  
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    Social Worker

    A social worker from a big city recently transferred to the mountains of West Virginia

    She was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

    "Anybody home?" she asked.

    "Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.

    "Is your father there?" asked the social worker.

    "Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.

    "Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.

    "Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.

    "But," protested the social worker, (thinking that surely she will need to intervene in this situation) "are you never together as a family?"

    "Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  5. #95  
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    What's The Difference?

    What's the difference between the government and the mafia?

    The Mafia is organized
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  6. #96  
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    Incestuous Hotdogs?

    Did you hear about the incestuous hotdogs?

    They say they're in bread.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  7. #97  
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    Delivering Babies

    Two storks are sitting in their nest, a father stork and his son. The son is asking his father where his mother went. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."

    "Bringing babies?" the son asked.

    "That's right," the father replied. "That's our job."

    "Wow! I want to do that!" the son replied.

    The next night, it's the father's turn to make deliveries.

    "Is Dad delivering babies too?" the son asked.

    "That's right," the mother answered. "He's bringing new joy to mommies and daddies."

    "I want to do that!" the son replied.

    The next day, the father and mother discussed it and decided the son could make a delivery. "We're going to let you try," the father said to his son. "This is what you do. The baby will be wrapped in cloth. Hold the cloth in your beak like this. Then you just deliver it to the proper location. Can you do that?"

    "I can!" the son replied. They sent him on his way.

    Hours passed and the son still had not come back. The parents were getting worried.

    He finally came back. "What took you so long?" the mother asked. "Did you make the delivery?"

    "Yes," the son replied. "Sorry I took so long. I was just having some fun scaring college students!"
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  8. #98  
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    Farm Excursion

    Mother: David, did you enjoy the farm excursion?

    David: Yes it was great - we saw sheep, horses, goats, and f**kers.

    Mother: Errr, fine, fine. I know what the sheep and the rest are, but what is a f**kers?

    David: Oh, they're the animals that give us milk.

    Mother: But who said they were called, er, f**kers?

    David: That was our teacher. Well actually she called them "effers", but we all knew what she meant.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  9. #99  
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    How Many Mystery Writers?

    How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Two! One to screw it almost all the way in and one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  10. #100  
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    Scaring Men

    Scaring men is easy

    I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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