Thread: Political Humor

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  1. #91  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
    "You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
    The man below responded, "You must be a politician". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #92  
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    "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies." —Groucho Marx

    "Politics, noun. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage." —Ambrose Bierce

    "Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke." —Will Rogers
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  3. #93 Chicago Police have a new crime fighting tool 
    Senior Member Banacek's Avatar
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  4. #94 "THE FIVE" ... TONIGHT 
    Drive-by Poster ABC's Avatar
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    Anyone catch "The Five" on Fox tonight?

    I don't always watch the show, listen only, most of the time.

    Jessie Waters, on the last segment, introducing, the subject of a woman taking her pet chicken on a water board or whatever it was, started off by saying ...

    "What the cluck!"

    That caught my attention, however! Witty man!
    Last edited by ABC; 10-18-2017 at 06:53 PM.

    American By Choice ~ 1980
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  5. #95 Obama's Army 
    Senior Member Banacek's Avatar
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  6. #96  
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    "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "

    "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected."
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  7. #97 Best Comedy Show Of The Year ... 
    Drive-by Poster ABC's Avatar
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    Am listening to the best comedy show of the year ...

    While preparing dinner and awaiting tonight's SOTU speech.

    The one and only MSNBC!

    And believe me they do not disappoint! Ha! Ha!

    Will also try to catch BET's response from Ms. Maxine after the speech. Mercy what a night! I love it!

    American By Choice ~ 1980
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  8. #98  
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    Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.
    One little boy raises his hand. Hillary asks him his name.
    "Kenny," he says.
    "And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.
    "I have three questions," he says. "First -- what happened in Benghazi? "Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? "Third -- what happened to that six billion dollars that went missing while you were Secretary of State?”
    Just then the bell rings for recess.
    Hillary tells the students that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says,
    "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?”
    A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.
    Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.
    "Johnny," he says.
    "What is your question, Johnny?" she asks.
    "I have five questions," he says. "First -- what happened in Benghazi? "Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts? "Third -- whatever happened to that six billion dollars that went missing while you were Secretary of State? "Fourth -- why did the recess bell go off 21 minutes early? "And, fifth -- where's Kenny?
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  9. #99  
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    American Cheese Society’s latest slogan:

    “Make America Grate Again.”
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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