The first 83 days
-- Every new president tries to emulate Franklin D. Roosevelt's famous "100 Days" strategy of 1933 with a blitz of new initiatives, but Barack Obama is so special he'll need only 83.
Based on in-depth research -- via right-wing websites -- here's Obama's agenda
between Inauguration Day and Easter Sunday.
Jan. 20: Deliver Inaugural Address (in Farsi) on YouTube.
Jan. 21: Redecorate Oval Office as cave.
Jan. 22: Get fitted for turban (Barack).
Jan. 23: Get fitted for burkha (Michelle & girls).
Jan. 24: Name new puppy: Roe-ver Siswade.
Jan. 25: Veggie Monday.
Jan. 26: Bill Ayers Medal of Freedom ceremony.
Jan. 27: Enroll girls in madrassa.
Jan. 28: Poison water supplies (red states).
Jan. 29: Ahmadinejad state dinner.
Jan. 30: Redistribute wealth.
Jan. 31: Nuke Wasilla.
Feb. 1: Hugo Chavez @ Camp David.
Feb. 2: Outlaw fur.
Feb. 3: Repeal Second Amendment.
Feb. 4: Talk-Like-A-Kenyan Day.
Feb. 5: Dick Cheney? Two words: extraordinary rendition.
Feb. 6: Rumsfeld trial begins at The Hague.
Feb. 7: Soak rich.
Feb. 8: Soak middle class.
Feb. 9: Declare basketball national pastime.
Feb. 10: Arugula: It's what's for dinner.
Feb. 11: Tim Robbins Film Festival.
Feb. 12: Washington Monument renamed for Harold Washington.
Feb. 13: Replace Gideon Bibles with Korans.
Feb. 14: Jeremiah Wright Crusade at Yankee Stadium.
Feb. 15: Outlaw snow machines.
Feb. 16: Redeploy troops from Iraq to Texas.
Feb. 17: National Flag-burning Day.
Feb. 18: Date w/Barney Frank.
Feb. 19: Mandatory sex education in utero.
Feb. 20: Declare Karl Marx Holiday.
Feb. 21: Have IRS audit Joe the Plumber.
Feb. 22: Name Rashid Khalidi America's ambassador to the U.N.
Feb. 23: Tell FBI to make sure Sarah Palin returned clothes.
Feb. 24: Hunt down bin Laden for Medal of Freedom.
Feb. 25: Ash Wednesday; Spring Ramadan begins.
Feb. 26: Chicago White Sox: America's Team.
Feb. 27: Pardon Tony Rezko.
Feb. 28: Pardon Rod Blagojevich.
March 1: Pardon Al Capone.
March 2: Run-Down-America Day.
March 3: Donate fake birth certificate to National Archives.
March 4: Raise taxes.
March 5: Destroy incentives.
March 6: Get Alito to resign, replace w/ Hillary Clinton.
March 7: Get Scalia to resign, replace w/ Bill Clinton.
March 8: Get Roberts to resign, replace w/ Chelsea Clinton.
March 9: Replace Pledge of Allegiance with Fist Bump of Allegiance.
March 10: Annex Mexico. Presto! No more illegal immigrants.
March 11: Redistribute Mexico's wealth.
March 12: Mother's Day, out. Baby Mama's Day, in.
March 13: Deport Toby Keith.
March 14: National Prayer (Rug) Breakfast.
March 15: Declare self as Anti-Christ.
March 16: Give Sarah Palin a much closer view of Russia.
March 17: Mock St. Patrick.
March 18: Put McCain on ice floe.
March 19: Nationalize oil companies.
March 20: Nationalize Google.
March 21: Outlaw NASCAR.
March 22: Work on jump shot.
March 23: Declare caribou an endangered species.
March 24: Redistribute more wealth.
March 25: Legalize gay marriage.
March 26: Legalize transgender marriage.
March 27: Replace "E pluribus unum" with just plain "unum."
March 28: Ban bowling.
March 29: Create National Leftist Militia.
March 30: Betray Israel.
March 31: Global warming initiative: dress in Arab robes.
April 1: Rename Canada "Yeswecanada."
April 2: Create joint U.S.-Europe currency: "baracko."
April 3: Fellow celebrity Paris Hilton to head CIA.
April 4: Jon Voight, Hank Williams Jr. join McCain on ice floe.
April 5: Close Guantanamo.
April 6: Except for Rush Limbaugh.
April 6: Raise taxes again.
April 7: Redistribute remaining wealth.
April 8: National Pal-Around-With-Terrorists Day.
April 9: Socialize medicine.
April 10: Socialize everything else.
April 11: Cancel White House Easter Egg Roll.
April 12: Cancel Easter.