Thread: Onward

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  1. #51  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I recently purchased the “senior edition” of the Toyota Corolla.

    The message on the passenger side mirror reads, “Objects in mirror wish you would speed up.”
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #52  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics, and your opponents will do it for you.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  3. #53  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    The boss transferred me from the shipping room to the mail department.

    He said they were spending too much money on bubble wrap.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  4. #54  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    When I was a kid, I asked God for a bike. But I know God doesn’t work that way.

    So I stole a bike and asked God for forgiveness.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  5. #55  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    This one is older than I am but it's still phunny.


    A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  6. #56  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  7. #57  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I have a friend who visits London regularly. He always gets a haircut at a local barber shop.

    It's called “British Hairways.”
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  8. #58  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I exercised all my tummy fat away.

    It’s behind me now.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  9. #59  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Stand up and be counted.

    But watch out for low ceilings.

    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  10. #60  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I needed a job so badly that I decided to interview for a job at a bakery.

    The interviewer asked me if I had any baking experience.

    I replied, “Yes, I made toast this morning.”
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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