Thread: He & She

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  1. #11  
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    He - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

    She - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #12  
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    He: How do you get to the main highway from here?

    She: Damned if I know.

    He: You do live here don't you?

    She: If I knew how to get to the main highway, I wouldn't.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  3. #13  
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    He: I'd like to take you out.

    She: I've been thinking about taking you out but finding a good hitman is hard.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  4. #14  
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    Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  5. #15  
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    My grandpa used to say a woman needs to provide heat in winter and shade in summer.

    But he never said it when grandma was close by.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  6. #16  
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    He: That's odd. The last time I wore these socks, I had a hole in the right one. Today I have a hole in the left one.

    She: Maybe you got your feet on backwards.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  7. #17  
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    She: At what point in growing older did it come to a point of giving up your vices?

    He: If it meant giving up my vices, what would be the point of growing older?
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  8. #18  
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    She: Honey, I have good news and bad news.

    He: (sigh) Okay, let me hear the good news first.

    She: Our insurance will cover it.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  9. #19  
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    A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of the bank.
    Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

    Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:

    "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

    "Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  10. #20  
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    She: Do you have any idea what a closet is for?

    He: Yeah. That's where I hang my clothes when I run out of doorknobs.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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