Thread: A Few Phunnies

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  1. #1 A Few Phunnies 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I'm really enjoying my lasso classes, even though I got roped into it.

    What do you call a ghost's mother and father? Transparents!

    Why don't people live in toadstools? Cause there isn't mushroom.

    What's a metaphor? For cows to graze on.

    What did one ocean say to the other ocean?...Nothing they just waved

    If you want to know how many bees Noah had check the Ark Hives
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #2  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    The road to ADHD is paved with bad attentions.

    My wife left me because she said I'm addicted to oxymorons. She was pretty ugly anyway.

    If I were a superhero, I'd want to be Aluminum Man. My superpower would be foiling crime.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  3. #3  
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    My too wise for her years youngest just came into the room and asked "What do you get when you cross a joke with a rethorical question?"
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  4. #4  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I'm very much in favor of farming.

    In fact, you could call me

    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  5. #5 She Was Only... 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    - a violinist's daughter, but when she took off her G-string all the boys fiddled.

    - an undertaker's daughter, but any guy cadaver.

    - a photographer's daughter, but she was really well developed.

    - a surgeon's daughter, but she knew how to operate.

    - a blacksmith's daughter, but she knew how to forge ahead.

    - a baseball pitcher's daughter, but you should have seen her curves.

    - a minister's daughter, but I wouldn't put anything pastor.

    - a meteorologist's daughter, but she had a warm front.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  6. #6  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

    No matter how much you push the envelope, itll still be stationery.

    A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    A backward poet writes inverse.

    When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    Dont join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  7. #7  
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    What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?

    Rick O'Shea


    I don't like snakes, mainly because they have no feet....

    I must be lack-toes intolerant.


    I've developed a phobia of elevators

    ...I'm taking steps to avoid them.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  8. #8  
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    A Houston architect was sentenced to time in the Huntsville unit.

    After serving a short time and taking a few laps around the yard, he complained that the walls weren't built to scale.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  9. #9  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I used to be great at wordplay-

    Once a pun a time
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  10. #10  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Nephew didn't finish his paper on Appomattox.

    He was hoping the prof would Grant him some Lee way.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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