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  1. #91  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    If a marketer calls, give the phone to your 3-year-old and tell her it’s Santa.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #92  
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    Emergency Homeland Security Bulletin!

    Stop talking to your plants.

    They may be bugged.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  3. #93  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    There’s a term for men who watch all 40 or so bowl games every year.

    That term is “divorced.”
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  4. #94  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    As a young child my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.

    Turns out the police call this “Identity Theft.”
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  5. #95  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Okay, the cops just called and said one of my friends had just escaped the mental institution. .

    So which one of you crazies is it and where can I pick you up?
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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