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  1. #71  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I found a bug in my salad at lunch today.

    I don’t know if it was US or Russian.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #72  
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    How to fall asleep faster:

    Decorate your bedroom like a classroom.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  3. #73  
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    A local funeral director always ties the deceased’s shoelaces together.

    That way, the zombie apocalypse will be hilarious.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  4. #74  
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    They call little candy bars “fun size.”

    That’s because “disappointing size” doesn’t fit on the wrapper.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  5. #75  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retread View Post
    They call little candy bars “fun size.”

    That’s because “disappointing size” doesn’t fit on the wrapper.
    This SHOULD NOT be in the humor section; this is anything but humorous.

    This is dead cold hard FACT!!
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  6. #76  
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    My neighbor’s granddaughter is a native born Texan, but she drinks from a miss-i-ssippi cup.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  7. #77  
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    So what if I don’t know the meaning of the word “apocalypse”?

    It’s not the end of the world.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  8. #78  
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    I just finished reading a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters.

    I can Samurais it for you.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  9. #79  
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    I am not bald.

    I just have a wide part in my hair.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  10. #80  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I like telling self-deprecating jokes.

    I’m just not good at it.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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