Thread: Politics II

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18
  1. #1 Politics II 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    I came to Texas as soon as I could
    Posts
    18,122
    How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

    It takes two.

    One to assure the public that everything possible is being done, while the other screws it into a water faucet.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
    Reply With Quote  
     

  2. #2  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    I came to Texas as soon as I could
    Posts
    18,122
    Q: What costs millions of dollars but is worthless?

    A: Second place in an election
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
    Reply With Quote  
     

  3. #3  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    I came to Texas as soon as I could
    Posts
    18,122
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
    Reply With Quote  
     

  4. #4  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    I came to Texas as soon as I could
    Posts
    18,122
    Fortune teller to customer: “I can’t tell you who will win the election but your lifeline suggest you need to take advantage of early voting.”
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
    Reply With Quote  
     

  5. #5  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    I came to Texas as soon as I could
    Posts
    18,122
    Medical Opinion on the Wall

    Physicians were unable to reach a consensus: Should the U.S. build Trump's Mexican Wall?
    The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
    The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it, but theNeurologists thought Trump had a lot of nerve.
    Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
    Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
    The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
    Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
    The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."
    The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
    Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
    In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
    Reply With Quote  
     

  6. #6  
    Senior Member Banacek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Peoples Republic of Connecticut
    Posts
    13,275
    How to render airplanes obsolete

    . Build a gigantic pneumatic cannon, with a bore of at least six feet in diameter.

    2. Build a gigantic hamster-wheel attached to a gigantic compressor.

    3. Build a gigantic pneumatic cannon shell with a cargo deck on the bottom half, seats for passengers on the upper half (lengthwise, not height-wise).

    4. Passengers deposit their luggage with Homeland Security personnel for a thorough search and confiscation of any valuables. Passengers then load their lightened luggage into the cargo section of the shell.

    5. Passengers enter the giant hamster-wheel and trot in unison to operate the compressor and build up a sufficient head of pressure. This should take no more than six to eight hours, depending on destination.

    6. Passengers then enter the passenger portion of the shell and buckle their safety belts.

    7. The giant pneumatic cannon is then elevated to the proper azimuth and bearing, and the compressed air blasts the shell on its way in a ballistic arc for the destination.

    8. Survivors cut their way out of the wreckage upon arrival and crawl out of the arrival crater to proceed to their individual destinations via light rail (also powered by giant hamster-wheels).

    http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-bl...om-t20504.html
    Unknown philosopher at a St. Patrick's Day celebration 1967

    1 beer between 3 guys is better than no beers between no guys
    Reply With Quote  
     

  7. #7  
    Senior Member Banacek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Peoples Republic of Connecticut
    Posts
    13,275
    Unknown philosopher at a St. Patrick's Day celebration 1967

    1 beer between 3 guys is better than no beers between no guys
    Reply With Quote  
     

  8. #8 Jussie Smollett Offered Job At CNN After Fabricating News Story Out Of Thin Air 
    Senior Member Banacek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Peoples Republic of Connecticut
    Posts
    13,275
    While Empire actor Jussie Smollett has been having a tough week so far, there appears to be a silver lining: cable news channel CNN has offered Smollett a job as an investigative reporter and on-air anchor after witnessing his skills at fabricating a story entirely out of thin air.

    CNN producers were reportedly impressed throughout the ongoing saga of Smollett's apparent hoax attack on himself. They realized early on the facts didn't add up but were fascinated with how well the actor kept the narrative going. An HR rep quickly reached out to Smollett to see if he'd be interested in taking on a position at the news organization after news broke that the entire thing was probably fabricated.

    Satire (for now)


    https://babylonbee.com/news/jussie-s...ut-of-thin-air
    Unknown philosopher at a St. Patrick's Day celebration 1967

    1 beer between 3 guys is better than no beers between no guys
    Reply With Quote  
     

  9. #9  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    I came to Texas as soon as I could
    Posts
    18,122
    We have a Booker, a Hooker, and an Indian running for President.

    We are one Cowboy short of the Village People.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
    Reply With Quote  
     

  10. #10  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    I came to Texas as soon as I could
    Posts
    18,122
    I've always wondered, if someone throws something at the president, does the secret service yell “Donald, duck”?
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
    Reply With Quote  
     

Bookmarks
Bookmarks
Posting Permissions
  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •