Thread: New angles

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  1. #31  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    The Blonde Joke

    An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

    He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

    After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,

    'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

    The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

    In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

    'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,

    Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

    1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

    2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

    3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

    4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

    5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

    Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy.

    Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

    The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

    'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  2. #32  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Another Engineer story

    Two engineering students met on campus one day. The first says "That's a really nice bike you have. Where did you get it?" His friend replies "The other day, this pretty girl rode up to me, dropped the bike, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want'"

    The first engineer says "Yeah - the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  3. #33  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Friends

    Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.
    At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch."Where you wanna go?"
    "Hooters."
    "Why Hooters?"
    "They have those broads with the big racks, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs."
    "You're on."
    At age 42, they meet and play golf again.
    "Where you wanna go for lunch?"
    "Hooters."
    "Again? Why?"
    "They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games."
    "OK."
    At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?"
    "Hooters.
    "Why?"
    "The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."
    "OK."
    At age 62 they meet again.
    After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?"
    "Hooters."
    "Why?"
    "Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."
    "Good choice"
    At age 72 they meet again.
    Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?"
    "Hooters."
    "Why?"
    "They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."
    "Great choice."
    At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"
    "Hooters."
    "Why?"
    "Because we've never been there before."
    "Okay.Ē
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  4. #34  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Shifting sands

    A group of scientists have just completed a study of the long lack of California earthquakes.



    They have concluded itís nobodyís fault.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  5. #35  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Life is a mystery

    But I have the answer. Itís the combination to the safe....

    thatís on a piece of paper locked inside the safe.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  6. #36  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Well, isn't that nice?

    Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity were conversing on the porch of a large white-pillared mansion. The first woman said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me." The the second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."Again, the second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"

    The first woman boasted, "Then when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."Yet again, the second woman commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"The second woman replied, "My husband sent me to charm school.""Charm school!" the first woman cried. "Land sakes, child, what on Earth for?"

    "So that instead of saying, 'Who gives a crap,' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that nice?'"
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  7. #37  
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    Golfer in the rough
    (oldie but .....)


    A guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. It goes into the woods.
    He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with a huge knot on his head, and the ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."
    The man says, "I can't take anything from you, I"m just glad you are okay,and walks away. Well, he was a nice guy. so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."
    A year goes past and the same golfer is out on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the woods and goes looking for his ball.
    He sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?" The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time."
    How is your money holding out?" The golfer says, "Every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note.
    "How is your sex life? The golfer looks at him and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."
    "Once or twice a week?!"
    The golfer, a little embarrassed, looks at him.Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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