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  1. #1 Sometimes it just don't pay...... 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I should of just came to work, but stopped by the ranch. Well...I'm at the emergency room.

    Not a good way to end the day. I decided to go horseback riding, something I have not done in a long, loooong time .

    I felt I wanted to do something a bit crazy! It turned out to be a big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slow,

    but then we went a little faster and before I knew it we were going as fast as the damned horse could possibly go. I had no idea horses could run so fast!

    I couldn't take the pace, lost my balance and as I fell caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. No matter how much I screamed and hollered, It wouldn't stop.

    Thank goodness the manager at Toys-R-Us came out and unplugged the machine. But he had the nerve to take the rest of my quarters so I wouldn't attempt to ride the Elephant!
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  2. #2  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    "Poor old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So, he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So, how many have you caught today?” The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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  3. #3  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    A woman goes to the veterinarian with her pig that appears to be sleeping. The woman waits as the vet inspects the pig. Then the vet comes out and tells the woman, "I'm sorry... But your pig is dead."

    The woman, shocked, yells at the vet, "Are you serious?! Did you run tests? He could just be in a coma or something."

    The vet sighs and heads back to here office with the woman. The vet leaves the room and returns with a dog. The dog approaches the pig and slowly sniffs him from head to toe. He looks up at the woman with sad eyes and walks out.

    The vet leaves and returns with a cat. The cat approaches the pig and stares at him for a solid 5 minutes. It then meows loudly and slowly exits the room.

    The vet tells the woman, "See, your pig has definitely passed on." The vet walks to the register and hands the woman a bill for $300.

    The woman is again outraged, "$300 just so you could tell me my little piggy died?"

    The vet replies, "It was only $40 until you made me get a Lab Report and a Cat Scan."
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    A man is but a product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. Gandhi
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