Thread: As we age

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  1. #1 As we age 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

    Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

    Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

    So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember its God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  2. #2  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older

    #9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

    #8 Life is sexually transmitted .

    #7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

    #6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

    #5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years unless you give them your email address.

    #4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

    #3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

    #2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    #1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do here, today, may be a burning issue somewhere else, tomorrow.

    Please share this wisdom with others while I go to the bathroom....
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  3. #3  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    You know you are over the hill when:

    You and your teeth don't sleep together.

    You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

    At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

    Your back goes out but you stay home.

    You wake up looking like your driver license's picture.

    It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

    Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

    Happy hour is a nap.

    You're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.

    You say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.

    All you want for your birthday is not be reminded of your age.

    You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

    Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

    It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

    Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

    Your address book has mostly names that start with "Dr."

    You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

    The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

    Getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot.

    The twinkle in your eye is only a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.

    It takes twice as long to look half as good.

    Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

    You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

    You have more patience, but actually it's just that you don't care anymore.

    You confuse having a clear conscience with a bad memory.

    You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

    You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  4. #4  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    When I die I want to pass on while peacefully in my sleep - just like my Grandpa did.

    Not hollering, clawing and screaming like the other 4 people that were in the car he was driving.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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