Thread: One more time

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  1. #51  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    A sandwich staggers into a bar.

    The bartender looks up and says, ‘Let me call you a cab, buddy. You’re toasted.’
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  2. #52  
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    Our local zoo has a problem they never, ever thought of ...


    The new elephant is allergic to peanuts.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  3. #53  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I’m spring cleaning my head right now.


    I may be a while.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  4. #54  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    If a woman speaks and no one is listening her name is probably Mom.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  5. #55  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    We all know that the only guarantees in life is death and taxes ...

    But ...

    There are also two things you should always do, ...

    Wash your rear and call your mother.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  6. #56  
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    My doctor asked, if anyone in ray family suffers from mental illness. I said : "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  7. #57  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    The only thing in my house that doesn’t say “Made in China” is my good china.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  8. #58  
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    I was a bookkeeper for 10 years.


    The local library wasn't too happy about it.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  9. #59  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Too many fences, not enough bridges.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  10. #60  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

    When a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds?

    Hedgehogs, eh? Why can't they just share the hedge?

    I asked my North Korean friend what it was like living there. He said he couldn't complain.

    I hate Russian dolls; they’re so full of themselves.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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