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  1. #1 Animal House 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Tenn. police want toilets drug-free

    LORETTO, Tenn. — Police in Tennessee are asking residents not to toss drugs down the toilet, saying it could lead to “meth-gators” and stoned waterfowl.


    The warning from the Loretto Police Department on Facebook came after a man was arrested after he allegedly tried to flush methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia.

    According to the police statement, flushed items end up in retention ponds frequented by ducks and geese. It says “we shudder to think what one all hyped up on meth would do.”

    Further, it says if the drugs made it far enough downstream, “we could create meth-gators” in the Tennessee River in north Alabama.

    In a nod to a so-called “attack squirrel” in Alabama, Loretto police said, “They’ve had enough methed-up animals the past few weeks without our help.”
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    CHICAGO — The alligator had a good run as day after day the people hunting for him in a Chicago lagoon came up empty, but in the end he was no match for an expert the city shipped in from Florida.

    The male gator, nicknamed “Chance the Snapper,” was first spotted in the Humboldt Park lagoon about a week ago. After local enthusiasts tried and failed to trap the reptile, Frank Robb arrived from St. Augustine on Sunday. By early Tuesday, he had caught the 5 foot 3 inch animal using something that even cartoon alligators know to avoid: a fishing pole.

    “I brought my fishing rod and it went down pretty fast,” Robb said. At about 1:30 a.m. — about 36 hours into the hunt — Robb said he “saw his eye shine and caught him on the fishing rod. One cast … and it was done.”

    Chance — whose name sounds a lot like Chicago’s own Chance the Rapper — looked pretty calm as Robb pulled him out of a big plastic tub, and he didn’t squirm as he settled into Robb’s grip. Robb moved around a bit so all the photographers from pretty much every newspaper and television news show snapped pictures — Chance couldn’t do any snapping of his own thanks to what looked like a thick rubber band or electrical tape holding his jaw shut tight.

    Chance will stay in the tub for now, but the city said it was already looking for roomier quarters, most likely a wildlife sanctuary or a zoo.
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    PRESTONSBURG, Ky. — A Kentucky man who went to the doctor with an irritated eye got the unsavory news that it contained a tick.

    WYMT-TV reports an optometrist used tweezers to remove the tick from Chris Prater’s eye.

    Prater works for an electric company and had left a job site where his crew had removed atree from power lines when his eye started bothering him.

    He noticed atiny spot on his eye and tried to flush it several times to no avail.

    Finally, he went to the doctor and admits he got “scared a little bit” at the diagnosis.

    After numbing Prater’s eye, the doctor removed the tick. Prater was sent home with antibiotics and steroid drops.

    Prater says he uses bug repellent before he starts each work day, “but you can’t spray your eyes.”
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    Why did tortoise cross the road?

    SANTA YNEZ, Calif. — A 250-pound tortoise that wandered away from its home has been rescued after California Highway Patrol officers found it on the side of a road.

    And no, they didn’t arrest it for speeding.

    The highway patrol says it got a call about the big reptile Sunday evening. It was spotted on the shoulder of a road in Santa Ynez, about 100 miles northwest of Los Angeles.

    Santa Ynez Animal Rescue picked up the tortoise before CHP officers arrived.

    The CHP located the owners, put the tortoise in the patrol car and delivered it to them about two hours later.
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    Power CUer noonwitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retread View Post
    Tenn. police want toilets drug-free

    LORETTO, Tenn. — Police in Tennessee are asking residents not to toss drugs down the toilet, saying it could lead to “meth-gators” and stoned waterfowl.


    The warning from the Loretto Police Department on Facebook came after a man was arrested after he allegedly tried to flush methamphetamine and drug paraphernalia.

    According to the police statement, flushed items end up in retention ponds frequented by ducks and geese. It says “we shudder to think what one all hyped up on meth would do.”

    Further, it says if the drugs made it far enough downstream, “we could create meth-gators” in the Tennessee River in north Alabama.

    In a nod to a so-called “attack squirrel” in Alabama, Loretto police said, “They’ve had enough methed-up animals the past few weeks without our help.”

    Male ducks already are gang rapists, taking turns holding down and raping the female duck, just like the men in the bar in "The Accused". What'll they do with meth in their system?

    Meth Gator sounds like a really good concept for a small budget horror movie. Or for USA Network-like their Sharknado series.
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    Senior Member Tecate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noonwitch View Post
    Male ducks already are gang rapists, taking turns holding down and raping the female duck, just like the men in the bar in "The Accused". What'll they do with meth in their system?

    Meth Gator sounds like a really good concept for a small budget horror movie. Or for USA Network-like their Sharknado series.
    The bitch duck is always easy to spot. The feathers on the back of her neck are all gone.
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  7. #7  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retread View Post
    CHICAGO — The alligator had a good run as day after day the people hunting for him in a Chicago lagoon came up empty, but in the end he was no match for an expert the city shipped in from Florida.
    $33,649 for efforts to capture alligator

    the costs included:

    • Labor costs of $14,917 and equipment costs of $7,925 for Department of Streets and Sanitation workers to put in and take out fencing and barricades.

    • Overtime of $6,140 for Animal Care and Control officers.

    • A fee of $2,500 and $2,166 in travel and lodging expenses for Robb.

    Chicago police and the Chicago Park District did not incur any extra costs because of the search.
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  8. #8  
    Power CUer noonwitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retread View Post
    $33,649 for efforts to capture alligator

    the costs included:

    • Labor costs of $14,917 and equipment costs of $7,925 for Department of Streets and Sanitation workers to put in and take out fencing and barricades.

    • Overtime of $6,140 for Animal Care and Control officers.

    • A fee of $2,500 and $2,166 in travel and lodging expenses for Robb.

    Chicago police and the Chicago Park District did not incur any extra costs because of the search.

    I don't think alligator shoes, purse and even a matching briefcase would add up to $33,649. I guess he has to go to the zoo.
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  9. #9  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retread View Post
    $33,649 for efforts to capture alligator

    the costs included:

    • Labor costs of $14,917 and equipment costs of $7,925 for Department of Streets and Sanitation workers to put in and take out fencing and barricades.

    • Overtime of $6,140 for Animal Care and Control officers.

    • A fee of $2,500 and $2,166 in travel and lodging expenses for Robb.

    Chicago police and the Chicago Park District did not incur any extra costs because of the search.
    They can hunt down and capture an alligator but they can't squelch the mayhem on the west side.
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  10. #10  
    Festivus Moderator ralph wiggum's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retread View Post
    $33,649 for efforts to capture alligator

    the costs included:

    • Labor costs of $14,917 and equipment costs of $7,925 for Department of Streets and Sanitation workers to put in and take out fencing and barricades.

    • Overtime of $6,140 for Animal Care and Control officers.

    • A fee of $2,500 and $2,166 in travel and lodging expenses for Robb.

    Chicago police and the Chicago Park District did not incur any extra costs because of the search.
    Similar to Hollywood math, there is such a thing as Chicago math.
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