Thread: Getting older

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  1. #1 Getting older 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Something they never tell you, rigor mortis starts in middle age.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  2. #2  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Credit Bill Cox on Quora:

    Ten most important things to know after passing age 60.

    1.Never gamble on a fart. If it's at all questionable find a toilet and sit down.

    2. If you're a male conduct all toilet business sitting down. A swollen prostate can force you to strain very hard to pee while at the same time clench your butt muscles not to poop. This is a very conflicting exercise and requires extensive training to perfect.

    3. Never waste an erection. What used to arise without provocation is now a rare gift to be cherished and shared if at all possible.

    4. If you must read the obituaries do it only to gloat over those you have outlived.

    5. Only tell your old stories to people you have just met. Everyone one else has heard them already and some may even remember what really happened.

    6. Stay crazy so you will always have new stories to tell your old friends.

    7. Remember your fighting skills no longer match your anger levels. So either avoid fighting or devise more treacherous ways to channel your anger.

    8. When seeking a mate be prepared to lower your standards and look for someone who is willing to lower theirs as well.

    9.Start a long term project that you know nothing about. This will give you something to look forward to and strengthen your denial of your impending doom.

    10. Clear your browsing history after each use. Don't let that dirty little secret become your legacy.

    Why stop at ten when it goes all the way to eleven?(spinal tap reference)

    11. Always look for the humor in everything.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  3. #3  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    What Mother Nature giveth, Father Time taketh away.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  4. #4  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I plan to put off aging until I’m old.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  5. #5  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Old age and fried food?

    All I’m saying is give grease a chance.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
    Reply With Quote  
     

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