Thread: Getting older

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  1. #1 Getting older 
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Something they never tell you, rigor mortis starts in middle age.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  2. #2  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Credit Bill Cox on Quora:

    Ten most important things to know after passing age 60.

    1.Never gamble on a fart. If it's at all questionable find a toilet and sit down.

    2. If you're a male conduct all toilet business sitting down. A swollen prostate can force you to strain very hard to pee while at the same time clench your butt muscles not to poop. This is a very conflicting exercise and requires extensive training to perfect.

    3. Never waste an erection. What used to arise without provocation is now a rare gift to be cherished and shared if at all possible.

    4. If you must read the obituaries do it only to gloat over those you have outlived.

    5. Only tell your old stories to people you have just met. Everyone one else has heard them already and some may even remember what really happened.

    6. Stay crazy so you will always have new stories to tell your old friends.

    7. Remember your fighting skills no longer match your anger levels. So either avoid fighting or devise more treacherous ways to channel your anger.

    8. When seeking a mate be prepared to lower your standards and look for someone who is willing to lower theirs as well.

    9.Start a long term project that you know nothing about. This will give you something to look forward to and strengthen your denial of your impending doom.

    10. Clear your browsing history after each use. Don't let that dirty little secret become your legacy.

    Why stop at ten when it goes all the way to eleven?(spinal tap reference)

    11. Always look for the humor in everything.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  3. #3  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    What Mother Nature giveth, Father Time taketh away.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  4. #4  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    I plan to put off aging until I’m old.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  5. #5  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Old age and fried food?

    All I’m saying is give grease a chance.
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  6. #6  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Credit Stella Falconer on LinkedIn:
    You may be getting older if...
    When your spouse says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Pick one, I can’t do both!”
    When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
    When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
    When going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
    When you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along. When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
    When getting a little action” means you don’t need to take any fiber today.
    When “Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
    And of course - When an “all-nighter” means not getting up to pee! 😂
    It's not how old you are, it's how you got here.
    It's been a long road and not all of it was paved.
    . If you ain't havin' fun, it's your own damn fault
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  7. #7  
    Drive-by Poster ABC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retread View Post
    What Mother Nature giveth, Father Time taketh away.
    Loved this one Retread ...

    Is so true, damn it! No matter how much time has passed.

    Also must tell you, am going to pass on this one to our friends over 60:

    Credit Bill Cox on Quora:

    Ten most important things to know after passing age 60.

    1.Never gamble on a fart. If it's at all questionable find a toilet and sit down.

    2. If you're a male conduct all toilet business sitting down. A swollen prostate can force you to strain very hard to pee while at the same time clench your butt muscles not to poop. This is a very conflicting exercise and requires extensive training to perfect.

    3. Never waste an erection. What used to arise without provocation is now a rare gift to be cherished and shared if at all possible.

    4. If you must read the obituaries do it only to gloat over those you have outlived.

    5. Only tell your old stories to people you have just met. Everyone one else has heard them already and some may even remember what really happened.

    6. Stay crazy so you will always have new stories to tell your old friends.

    7. Remember your fighting skills no longer match your anger levels. So either avoid fighting or devise more treacherous ways to channel your anger.

    8. When seeking a mate be prepared to lower your standards and look for someone who is willing to lower theirs as well.

    9.Start a long term project that you know nothing about. This will give you something to look forward to and strengthen your denial of your impending doom.

    10. Clear your browsing history after each use. Don't let that dirty little secret become your legacy.

    Why stop at ten when it goes all the way to eleven?(spinal tap reference)

    11. Always look for the humor in everything.
    They should love it!

    American By Choice ~ 1980

    LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS ...

    NOT SOCIALISM!!!
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  8. #8  
    Drive-by Poster ABC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ABC View Post
    Loved this one Retread ...

    Is so true, damn it! No matter how much time has passed.

    Also must tell you, am going to pass on this one to our friends over 60:

    They should love it!
    Edited to add ...

    Well, perhaps not love all of it!

    American By Choice ~ 1980

    LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS ...

    NOT SOCIALISM!!!
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  9. #9  
    Drive-by Poster ABC's Avatar
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    Re this "Getting Older" thread, Retread ...

    Today is Mr. ABC's birthday, and the card I gave him reads:


    AGING IS SOMETHING WE ALL MUST FACE SOONER OR LATER ...

    YOU SOONER. ME LATER.
    Ha! Ha!

    American By Choice ~ 1980

    LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS ...

    NOT SOCIALISM!!!
    Reply With Quote  
     

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