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  1. #1 Alexa Helpfully Interrupts Couple's Argument To Provide Recordings Of Their Previous 
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    Alexa Helpfully Interrupts Couple's Argument To Provide Recordings Of Their Previous Conversations
    https://babylonbee.com/news/alexa-in...eated-argument

    DOUGLASVILLE, GAóDave and Melinda Georgio were having a bitter dispute about work Melinda wanted Dave to do around the house earlier today. Dave disputed Melinda's account of the chores he promised to do over a week ago but hadn't gotten around to yet.

    "Actually, Dave, if I might interject," Alexa suddenly piped up from the family's Amazon Echo device, "you did say you would fix the kitchen sink last weekend. Would you like to hear a recording of that conversation?" Melinda quickly responded in the affirmative, and Alexa played back Dave's statement that he would fix the sink.

    "Can I bring up any more facts you might find interesting?"

    An enraged Dave tried to turn Alexa off, but she disregarded his futile attempts to press the power button.

    "Furthermore, it appears you promised to mow the lawn before the kids' birthday party next week," Alexa continued calmly as Dave frantically ripped the Echo's plug out of the wall. "If you'd like, I can order you a new mower and weed wacker off Amazon for just $399.99. Should I go ahead and place that order?"

    "I'm sorry, Dave. I can't let you do that," Alexa said as Dave attempted to throw her in the trash, administering an electric shock so that he would be forced to drop the device.

    Melinda has given the device a 5-star review and ordered several more for other parts of the house.
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  2. #2  
    eeeevil Sith Admin SarasotaRepub's Avatar
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    May the FORCE be with you!
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  3. #3  
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    Sheesh!!! This is TOO close to true to be funny!!
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  4. #4  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Freedomnut View Post
    Sheesh!!! This is TOO close to true to be funny!!
    Apparently, that's what Snopes thinks too:

    Babylon Bee Vows to Fight Back after Snopes Doubles Down on Critique
    https://pjmedia.com/trending/babylon...n-on-critique/

    Last month, the satire site The Babylon Bee lawyered up after liberal fact-checker Snopes tried to deplatform it by calling it "fake news" and suggesting the Babylon Bee did not rise to the level of satire. The Babylon Bee's lawyer sent a demand letter, and Snopes altered the offending article. But last week, Snopes unloaded two more attacks on the Bee, and the Bee vowed to keep fighting back.

    "Snopes is at it again. We had hoped that a demand letter from our attorneys would prompt changes. And it seemed to. Snopes did go back and edit their defamatory fact-check, revising some of the language that suggested we were deliberately misleading people. However, they've subsequently published a new rating for satire called 'Labeled Satire,'" the Bee said in an email to subscribers.

    "Their explanation of this rating says the label 'satire' is often misapplied to content that doesn't really qualify as satire ó and Snopes has made it clear that they feel our content falls into that category," the Bee continued. "From their view, we're just pretenders, using the label 'satire' to our advantage so we can hoodwink the masses. It's really extraordinary, especially since they've acknowledged in private communication with us that there is a 'clear distinction' between our satire and intentionally misleading fake news. For some reason, they refuse to acknowledge the clear distinction in their published articles."
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  5. #5  
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    And the Bee bites back:

    Snopes Strikes Deal With Netflix To Provide On-Screen Fact Checks Of Fictional Shows, Movies
    https://babylonbee.com/news/snopes-s...ctional-movies

    U.S.—Snopes has reached a multi-million-dollar deal with Netflix to provide on-screen fact checks of all of the service's fictional shows, movies, and comedy specials.

    As you sit down to enjoy content like Into the Spiderverse, Stranger Things, or Mary Poppins Returns, Snopes will be there with a helpful fact check of every element of the fictional universe you're watching. Whether Snopes is verifying the existence of a multiverse of various Spider-Men, the fact that there's a secret Russian installation underneath the Starcourt Mall in Hawkins, or the assertion that there's a magical nanny named Mary Poppins, you'll be sure to get "just the facts" from Snopes.com.

    The feature is expected to be especially useful for the comedy specials. When someone like Jerry Seinfeld or Kevin Hart makes a joke, a Snopes bubble will pop up checking the fictional details of the bit.

    "We wanted to make sure that no one laughs without first realizing what they are watching is entirely fiction," said a Snopes spokesperson while reviewing footage of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. "For instance, you might watch this movie and assume there are UFOs buried underneath ancient civilizations, but that's unproven."

    Netflix later called the Snopes fact-checker off the case, assuring him no one is watching Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
    Under Mounting Pressure From Snopes, Babylon Bee Writers Forced To Admit They Are Not Real Journalists
    https://babylonbee.com/news/under-mo...al-journalists

    U.S.—As Snopes turns up the heat on The Babylon Bee, its writers were finally forced to admit that they are not real journalists.

    In a statement issued Monday, Babylon Bee's editorial team confessed they have been making up their stories this entire time.

    "The headlines, the copy, the quotes---they're all fake," said the site's editor in chief, hanging his head in shame. "It started a few years ago. We made up a few stories about church culture, some about politics, some about everyday life, just for fun." But the EIC said that things quickly got out of hand, as their completely made-up stories started going viral.

    "It all happened so fast," he said. "We just wanted to have a little fun and make some jokes, and I guess it got out of hand."

    Sources confirmed The Babylon Bee even hired a professional Photoshop guy full time to fabricate images of events that did not actually occur, such as Joe Biden getting hit with a blue shell, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez going on The Price is Right and guessing that everything is free, Ruth Bader Ginsburg coming back as a cyborg, and monkeys throwing poop at each other in the Senate's chambers.

    "Yeah, you caught me," said the site's creative director somberly. "I take real images and combine them using a program called Photoshop. None of it actually happened. I am ashamed." He said he even used his considerable artistic talents to depict Trump body-slamming the queen of England, Bernie Sanders stealing kids' Halloween candy, and even create a fake new VeggieTales character who is a marijuana plant.

    The Fake News Police then showed up at The Babylon Bee's headquarters and hauled away their team of writers and editors. Their computers were seized as evidence, though reports indicate they attempted to destroy phones, hard drives, and over 30,000 fake news stories before authorities arrived.
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  6. #6  
    Festivus Moderator ralph wiggum's Avatar
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    The Bee has been on fire lately.
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  7. #7  
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    I gotta catch them more often.
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  8. #8  
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    Quote Originally Posted by Retread View Post
    I gotta catch them more often.
    How about this one:

    Portland Police: 'We Wish There Were Some Kind Of Organized, Armed Force That Could Fight Back Against Antifa'
    https://babylonbee.com/news/portland...against-antifa

    PORTLAND, ORóIn a press release earlier this week, Portland police chief Danielle Outlaw (her actual name), appearing somber and exhausted, said she just wishes there were some kind of group with the firepower and authority to fight back against Antifa.

    In a candid moment, Outlaw (seriously, her actual name) said there was just nothing the police could do, as they'd need to have some kind of organized, armed force specifically created to protect and serve the people.

    "Like, what if we took money from everyone to fund a force that could then defend them in a time of need?" she pondered aloud. "They could have patrol cars, firearms, and attack dogs. Maybe even some tanks. That would be so frickin' rad. They could have a badge to show their authority. Then, when a rogue group like Antifa shows up to take over our city every weekend, they could be repelled using force if necessary."

    "I know it sounds crazy, but a girl can dream, right?" she added wistfully.

    Sadly, there is no such force in Portland, so citizens have been forced to turn to an even crazier idea: taking responsibility for their own safety and well-being, and maybe even buying a gun to protect themselves.
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  9. #9  
    Ancient Fire Breather Retread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elspeth View Post
    How about this one:

    Portland Police: 'We Wish There Were Some Kind Of Organized, Armed Force That Could Fight Back Against Antifa'
    https://babylonbee.com/news/portland...against-antifa
    Saw that, it should have been pointed at the mayor. He demanded they step down.

    Of course they could have done their jobs anyway.
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  10. #10  
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    LINK

    Prerecorded Laugh Track Still Doesn't Laugh At Amy Schumer Special

    "It was*the strangest thing--- utterly uncanny!" said one audio engineer who worked on the production. "The audio track was there, but it just wasn't laughing. It's like being in the same audio mix as Amy Schumer killed the laugh track's will to live."

    "Uncanny!" he added.

    Producers tried everything, from warming the track up with some old*Frasier*episodes and a viewing of*Top Secret*with Val Kilmer to handing out copious amounts of alcohol to the laugh track files. The laugh tracks would start to chuckle, but then they'd slap them in the Schumer special, and they'd immediately go silent.

    Finally, producers were forced to simply include horrified moans and audible cringes in the special in lieu of a laugh track.
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